At What Cost?

Every relationship has its own unique breaking point. The point at which we have reached the end of our rope and can no longer endure any more bull shit, for lack of a better word. The moment in where we begin to accept the harsh reality that something in the relationship is clearly not working out. However this breaking point doesn't always happen when we think it should.

People can go weeks, months, and years waiting for that devastating crash into rock bottom that signifies the end of things, the end of patience, and the end of accepting a toxic relationship. We roll our eyes, make up excuses, and rant to anyone who will listen, long after all of our friends and family members have advised us to let go. Sadly as hard and as loud as our friends can be, none of that makes any difference until we are ready to accept the truth. Until then we are willing to put up with ANYTHING.

Now, I know that I have touched upon this topic before, the plain and simple fact that if enough of your friends, family members, and perfect strangers are telling you to get out, they are almost 99.9% right. Now the  more significant problem lies as to what time will we be able to be ready to listen and act upon the advice. Over the course of my brief dating history I have noticed a few patterns...

1. You can make up excuses for absolutely anything.
2.If you really want to believe it, you will believe anything.
3.It's usually not the big things that make or break a relationship, but rather the compiling of many little things that eventually become to big to ignore.
4. Somehow you will know when it's the "right" time, but the trick is to stick to your guns after you have made the decision.

My motto, if the bad parts outweigh the good, get the hell out. And almost always trust your good friends, rather than pushing them away. Nothing hurts more than watching a good friend go through an unhealthy relationship. So at what cost is being in a toxic relationship better than being single. Maybe you truly are better off alone...at least for the time being :)

Fighting Strategies

One of the many gender stereotypes that I have run across during my dating experiences is that men and women have very different ways they go about a disagreement. I have narrowed it down to these five key points from both a male and female perspective.

                    MEN
       1. Somehow they always find a way to turn the story around to make it appear as if this all began with you.

• ex.  "The reason why I yelled at you is because you weren't listening to me all night long."                                                                or...
• ex. "I didn't mean to sleep with Shaniqua, but you weren't there for me emotionally and she was the only one I could turn to."

2.They find away to make YOU think that YOU are the one that is over-reacting and or being crazy.

• ex. "Baby it was only a joke, clearly you need to reevaluate your own insecurities."
•  ex. "Woah crazy, lets take it down a notch, when I said we should take a break clearly I meant from the situation."

3. When these two fail we leap into their tactic of self pity

• ex. "You're right I am such an awful person. I hate what I've done. You shouldn't be friends with a guy like me. I'm a lost cause." (Begin man tears)

4. Try to sweep things under the rug without ever apologizing. 

• ex. "I just want things to go back to the way they were. Wanna come over and cuddle?"
• ex."Let's make love not war."

5. And finally if all else fails, they turn up the heat. 

• ex. "God I'm so angry, but all I want to do is take you home and have my way with you. "
• ex. "Is all this anger turning you on too?"

Women on the other hand have their own fighting tricks as well. (Guilty)

1. Silent treatment

• ex. You know you messed up so now instead of telling you why I am mad and working it out I am going to let you stew about it for at least the next few hours. 

2. Use a threat

• ex. "I'm never talking to you again!"
• ex. "And if you think that we are having sex tonight you are dead wrong mister!"

3. Play the Victim- that is if none of these have brought him to his knees to apologize.

• ex. "How could you say those cruel things to me when all I have ever done is love you!

4. Indifference and acceptance (Be the calm and rational one in the relationship)

• ex. "Well if that's how you truly feel, I guess I can understand. I am so sorry things had to end this way." (Single tear)
• ex. "We aren't healthy for each other. I am so sorry if I ever made you feel you needed to act this way and I know it must be partially my fault."

5. Change of subject. (aka SEX)

• Ex."As angry as I am all I want to do is hold you. And leave all of this in the past (insert pet name). 

And there you have it, 

feel free to add your own. 

-Just Another Girl.

New Lesson, Old Story.

The lesson to be learned from yesterday's party and today's aftermath is this; If enough people are telling you something, it's a good idea to listen and realize that there is a good chance that they are right.

Time and time again I realize that sometimes we aren't ready to hear certain truths, so we play the denial game and shut our eyes super tight in hopes of the awful truth making itself disappear. It happened with my first boyfriend The Teacher. Two years flew by when I accepted to be treated with disrespect, demeaned by words and actions, and meant to feel like there was something wrong with me. Countless friends came up to me voicing their concerns on this toxic relationship, but in my mind nothing that The Teacher could do would ever stop me from loving him. Without delving too much into the past, I apologized for so many things that I should have never had to feel sorry for. I spent those two years idolizing him and putting myself down. I believed all of the cruel comments stating that I wasn't worthy of him and that I would never be good enough. All the while my friends were put on ignore as they desperately tried to save me from myself and the way I was being treated. It was embarrassing and frustrating to hear the opinions of my friends, but finally their words sank in.
           You would think that I had learned my lesson after this first fiasco of a relationship, but no. Yesterday I hosted my 23 birthday party. There is nothing like planning a group outing to get your stress levels up. After freaking out all day and text messaging all my guests to make sure things were going smoothly, the moment had finally come. I went to Fuji Ya for a fancy dinner with some of my close friends and then the plan was to go back to my apartment before heading out to the bars. My friend St. Cloud was visiting as well and I couldn't be happier to have her back in my life. I wanted to show her how much I loved living in the city and my circle of friends, but as the night went on my hopes of showing her a great night on the town diminished. The White Knight was also expected to be there, but due to bowling night, not liking sushi, lack of money, and poor communication things went a tad bit off. He had thought that after dinner I was going straight to the downtown bars, so he and his friends went much earlier than planned. After finding this out I desperately tried to rally the troops to correct this mishap.  
         Our Plan of Action: We got our group together, called a cab, waited over an hour and a half, and still no cab. The Knight was getting restless and I was getting more and more upset by the minute. This wasn't what I had planned, but what else could I do while I was stranded at home. Finally I snagged a cab and text-ed my awaiting party at the bar. However as soon as I got in the car I received  news from the Knight that he was ready to leave. Right then and there I was ready to burst into tears and my friends were upset that The Knight and my night was making me upset on my birthday night. I convinced him to stay, but felt guilty that I was held up for so long. As soon as I reached the bar and saw my White Knight I burst into tears. He was clearly stressed and I was about ready to have a panic attack. He told me that him and the therapist (I need a new name for him... if you remember right he is The Knight's roommate and my friend) were going to leave soon. They had waited too long and he suggested I rescheduled this whole night. I about had it. I had stressed all night and day to just get there, for everything to go smoothly, and all my friends to just celebrate with me. As wrong as it is he was the one person I most wanted to be there (clearly all my feelings had not exactly faded), and now he was going to leave? I felt like this night was all my fault. Tiger Lily, noticing I was upset, tried to separate us but that only made The Knight's mood worse. However I was determined to push through this rocky start.
             The night slowly got better as we slammed shots (thanks everyone) and whipped out our trashy dance moves on the dance floor. I failed to notice however that The Knight and his roomie weren't getting along. It was here that the roomie made an exit without telling The Knight, and of course The Knight was planning on him being his ride. This really got the Knight going, so St. Cloud, The Knight, and I decided to call it a night.
   Now I have always known the Knight to have a temper, and yes he may not always talk to me with respect,
but the words that came out of his mouth over the past 24 hours have left me completely stunned. He was upset and angry and used me as his punching bag. In front of my friend after being angry at a joke that I cracked, he used personal and embarrassing information to get back at me. In front of my friend he spoke to me as though I was some cheap, idiot, slut. This is where I finally opened my eyes and saw what my friends had been saying all along. What was the fucking point? Yes I loved him,I do miss him, and I enjoy spending time with him, but when 80 to 90 percent of that time is spent fighting and putting each other down what is the point? I wanted to end my days in Minnesota peacefully, but he is causing me more pain than I can handle for the next month and a half. It is time I started listening to my friends and family and kick this guy to the curb. I love, loved him more than anything. He was supposed to be my White Knight, here to save me, but instead he is leaving me wounded in battle.

Epic Rommance

So maybe my unhealthy need for drama is creeping in on my thoughts, but it has me thinking. Are the epic romances such as Edward and Bella, Chuck and Blair, and Romeo and Juliet really all that healthy? Shouldn't love be easy? More like marrying you best friend? However where is the fun and passion in that?

I have had two epic romances so far, but I was the one that made them just that. We fight, we break up, we make up, and we are back together again. So is this how "Love" is supposed to be? Or is it my own sick fantasy of drama and what TV and movies say is supposed to be undying love.  When break up's happen and doors close they are supposed to stay that way in hopes of healthier relationships finding their way into our lives. I'm gonna go with team Jacob on this one. Well.. until Chuck decides to sweep me off my feet.

More on this topic soon, I've got a party to get ready for : )