No Going Back

There has been a strange turn of events lately and the climax of it all happened tonight.

I've been harboring this feeling all week. I've been searching for something to make me feel better. But feel better about what? I went over to The White Knight's house in search of what that something was. Or maybe hope to fill this void that I can't fill. We went into his bedroom and laid ourselves down in his bed and it all just felt so familiar. And then we began kissing like we used to do and it felt so old. It felt like nothing. I kept kissing him, kept searching him for something, some spark, some feeling. But there wasn't anything. It felt different. Things had changed. I kept grasping for something and I just turned up empty handed. I stopped suddenly and asked if we could talk. Suddenly I was spilling my guts out about other men or lack of men. I was trying to put words to my feelings and all that was coming out was nothing. I think the theme that I am seeing here is nothing.

He asked me to stay and to spend then night, but as I lay there tears kept streaming down my cheeks. I felt this overwhelming feeling of loss. Nothing felt right at all. I had to get out. I lay there until he fell asleep and slowly made my way to the door. I kissed him goodbye and knew there was no going back.

This is what I wanted isn't it? This is what I had wished and prayed for, then why does it feel so bad? I thought moving on was supposed to be liberating and exciting, instead its heartbreaking in its own right.
Where do I go from here? Can I still be friends with The Knight? Will I still want to be now that all the glitz and glamour of love have faded? Who is The Knight now that I can see past my infatuation? So many questions and yet no answers. All that I feel is lost and empty.

Rainy Days

Well it's raining today and I have absolutely nothing or no one to do. I had a blind date set up for the night, he is a country singer and a friend of a friend, however I am still waiting to hear from him via text message. I am strangely relieved however for two reasons. #1 I have never been on a blind date and the whole thought of it makes me queasy and #2 I have never been a huge fan of Cowboys. But after going on dates with so many assholes for so long I decided maybe just maybe a southern gentleman was just what the date doctor ordered. Though don't southern gentlemen actually return your call? Or better yet don't they come to call on you?

I think the thing that irks me the most about this whole situation is that he is so not my type, and yet I put myself out there and made myself available and now I'm the one being somewhat stood up. Strange.

On a side note, at least I am moving on to a good phase, which  is that I am ready and willing to start dating other blokes. Not with the intention of disarming The White Knight who lately has started to fade into grey. : )

All is not lost. I have a date with a tall and handsome man on  Thursday evening and that is proving to be much more promising.

Until Next Time,
Just Another Girl.

Who didn't watch this show? Classic and Classy. 

Night on the (Up) Town

Finally an eventful night in my string of disappointment! I'm sure you are glad too! Well sorry to add a new character to the group, but this lady is very important to the story that I am about to unfold. Madison, a long time friend and most likely one of the best wing woman you will meet, decided to take me on the prowl for some of the (as of lately) elusive male species. We began our night with friends and cocktails at Rudolf’s. Tiger Lilly alas could not join in the hunt due to her more grown up obligations, but Madison and I did very well I must say as partners in the dating jungle that is Uptown.

One thing about uptown is that it is a great watering hole for picking up men and numbers. The outdoor patios and relaxed atmosphere make it the perfect place to mix and mingle while still having the privacy of keeping to yourself if you so wish. We began our night trying to lasso a cowboy, but instead we roped in a creeper. He found us a table and our tired legs could not resist. All was fine until he actually started talking... or not talking should I say? The conversation was littered with pregnant pauses and Madison and me wandering our gazes to far more desirable men. Finally enough was enough of his awkward interactions and we made up our alibi to get us the hell out of there. On our way out of the bar who should we meet, but creepers Ex-roomies. Evidently they had chosen to ditch him as well. We chatted with them for quite sometime and it was the perfect combo of good conversation without all of the added romantic pressure. We bid them adieu after awhile knowing that there was plenty of other fish to be had and decided to make our way to Stella’s Fish Cafe.  On the way up the 72 stairs to "Patio heaven" we stumbled upon two army/firefighters. They were good looking fellas, however probably out of my age range. One of the men who had his sights focused on me was showing his buddy from out of state around Minneapolis. They offered us oysters which are supposedly a natural aphrodisiac... yet their powers still have yet to take hold on me. We engaged in a wide array of topics and ended up having a pretty good time. They weren't sleezeballs and they weren't out to get ass, which was refreshing. The man I was talking to made me feel intelligent and valuable, rather than just some piece of meat he was trying to get at.

Eventually we parted ways and Madison and I walked home alone. It was the perfect night. Even though we may not have caught any prey, we did catch a few numbers and honestly the attention was all I was really searching for anyways.

Until Next Time,
Just another Girl (Proving that flirting can be just as fun as taking someone home. )

LATE BREAKING NEWS.........

MEN DO NOT, I REPEAT DO NOT DO THIS.

Well today Madison had an interesting suprise, Mr. Creeper from cowboy slims decided to show up at her place of work and ask for her phone number. Desperate? I think yes.

Adele Got It Wrong (sorry Adele)

So I hope that you are all familiar with the wonderfully talented Adele by now and her "new" song "Someone Like You". As much as I love and respect Adele I am here to say that she got one BIG thing wrong. The song lyrics go...

"Never mind I'll find Someone like you. I wish nothing but the best for you too."

It's a beautiful and heartbreaking song, however shouldn't the lyrics go more like this..."Never mind I'll find someone BETTER than you." In my opinion Adele needs to get over this boy who ever he is and realize that if it didn't work out there's a reason and she should be shooting for bigger and better fish. Save me the pity party Adele and go find yourself a man who actually deserves you! 


Often times we get caught up in looking for weak imitations of what we used to have in love, rather than realizing what we should be looking for is an upgrade. Mr. 2.0  or whatever version we are on. The beautiful thing about evolution is that we should be adapting ourselves to better things. Only insane people keep doing the same thing over and over again hoping for different results. So girls instead of looking for another man to fill the void the last one left behind, let's start demanding better. 


Hometown came over last night and no to answer your questions it was not anything romantic, however he did show me that all men aren't playing the game... now if I can only find one for myself I would be a very happy woman.


Until next time,


Just Another Girl 

Weekend of Lame

Pardon me for the delays on my blog, but school and work has preoccupied my mind.

Leaving off from my last blog post, I have to say that for as much as I was ruing the thought of three ex-hook-ups in the same room, the night turned out to be very uneventful. First of all Hometown decided to just pop over on his bicycle, but sadly could not stay for that nights festivities. I then texted the Chilean, but he never responded! (so much for him telling me he was dying to see me). Finally Mr. Tall didn't show up until 12 am in which he brought his girlfriend and we proceeded to grab a drink at the local bar. Tiger Lily accompanied me for moral support, however there was no need since the sausage fest had dissipated. Don't get me wrong, I still had a wonderful night and Mr. Tall's new girl was very sweet and friendly, but I guess I had built it up in my head that more would have happened.

The weekend seemed to follow this trend as I made plans with My White Knight to go out on Saturday. In order to prepare for what was sure to be an epic night I excluded myself from Friday's activities and instead sipped wine while reading Shakespeare with my gay boo, who happens to be The Knights roommate by the way....awkward... I know. Around One A.M. guess who shows up slurring and stumbling, The White Knight!  He drunkenly chatted with us for a bit, not making any sense at all and then passed out in his chambers. I went home (I should win a medal) with the sinking feeling that this was the beginning of the end of my "epic" weekend.

Sure enough Saturday rolled along and  The Knight babbled on and on that he was alas too hungover and sick to go out another night. Figures. So there was my weekend, full of disappointment and no action. My pants stayed on, which I guess is a blessing considering I really should start finding other Knights to occupy my time. Maybe I should even upgrade to a Prince. The nice thing about being single is that your options are endless.

At least I got to catch up on all of my T.V. shows!

Mis Amigos!

Good morning everyone!

Today's blog centers around an update of my friends.

Tiger Lily is holding strong in her vow of celibacy and I have to say that I am a bit jealous. Lord knows I couldn't hold out much longer than a month, but sex right now is causing a strain in my life. The Knight and I discussed the inevitable end of our relations and honestly I'm a bit frightened. I know there are more willing and able men out there, but I'm not a girl who takes sex lightly and sleeps around with any young man who comes along. I may be crazy but I really hope the end comes sooner than later. I want the Knight to find a new mistress so that I can stop worrying about when the day will come when he is through with me.

After a rough weekend with the Spanish Sweetheart Tiger Lilly also kicked him to the curb and I have to say that I don't blame her. Her Spanish Sweetheart turned out to be not so sweet after all. There is a difference my friends of being brutally honest and just being a dick. Tiger Lilly is definitely helping me see that single isn't so bad after all, in fact a life without men is a lot less complicated. I wonder if this is the same with women?

As for Mary-Jane she has been M.I.A due to her not so single status. Her new boy Handsy has been taking up a bit of time and I am so happy for her! However the grass isn't always greener on the other side it seems. Though she is really into this new boy, past lovers and wounds are taking their toll. It's the hardest thing to let your self fall. It's scary when you realize that it doesn't always have to be a struggle for power. She's taking her time and dismantling her wall one brick at a time. : ) Love is patient.

As for me, I have an interesting night planned. I am going out on the town with three boys, The Chilean, Mr.Tall, and possibly Hometown. This combination should be interesting to say the least...

More to come,

Just Another Girl

By the way shout out to my girl Fargo for getting out there again! I hope I can follow your lead!

Catching Up

Alright folks there is so much to cover so sit back and try to take it all in...


This weekend I was a bad bad girl. The White Knight and I reconnected over drinks, and by drinks I mean several and possibly a few shots of rum and vodka. He gallantly held my hair back as I threw up in the porcelain thrown and it was truly romantic...not. I don't exactly remember how I got into bed except for the flashes of soberness that I want to rub out of my memory. I awoke the next morning with a pounding headache and the Knight beside me. I had done it again and the sad part was that I couldn't even remember it. I slithered out of bed and dressed myself for work, holding back my urge to vomit whatever contents still remained in my stomach. Suddenly as I was pulling on my dress his hand grazed the back of my knee. I feel back on the bed and into his arms like it was nothing. Every harm that he had caused me the weeks and months before were lost as I embraced him. Slowly I could feel that pull to stay in bed with him all day. My feelings that I had been suppressing for weeks crept back into that bed and nestled itself in my chest. All that work for nothing. As we laid there intertwined my alarm clock went off once again reminding me of the cruel reality that day had come and it was time to move on. I forced myself out of bed, grabbed my keys, and went out the door to work.

All I could think about was him. All I wanted to make the hangover subside was him. I wanted the safety of his arms and the reassurance that last night wasn't just a drunken dream. After work I found myself again at his place doing our usual weekend routine Netflix and  cuddling. Life felt right. At least one thing was back to normal. However my mind would not let my heart rest completely. As soon as my heart would flutter my brain  interrupted. This couldn't last forever.

And so here I am again, struggling to make sense of it all. I work everyday to suppress my heart, to tell myself over and over again that it's done. Someday I hope it will sink in. The one thing I do know is that I am more aware now at the truth of where this will lead, and that is nowhere.

So where do I go now?

I get out there.

Let's Talk About Sex Baby

Women have always been regarded as the "weaker" sex, governed by impulse, passion, and emotions. But how may I ask does emotion equal that of being weak?

I have possibly spiraled once again into a state of resentment towards men. I see the ways in which they view the world, love, and sex and it does not compute with mine. I am passionate and driven. I wear my emotions on my sleeve and cannot by any circumstance hold my tongue in matters of the heart.

I have succumb to the endless and unanswerable questions of delving into the minds of the other sex.

1. Men will say anything to get in your pants. Therefore how may I trust you and your endless pledges that you love me, think I'm beautiful, and your promises of never breaking my heart? One solution... keep my pants on, however that has never been much fun after awhile.

2. Men's tendencies towards cheating. Now I understand that this does not apply towards all men, however I feel as though the reasons behind cheating for men are much different than women. To this I have no solution considering I am still trying to figure out the reasons for why anyone cheats on someone they love. Perhaps the true answer is that they never really loved you that much in the first place.

3. How men and women view the act of sex. I know that women just as much as men participate in meaningless sex, however I myself have never been able to separate my emotions from sex. To me it is the most personal and intimate act, perhaps I need to chill out and realize its just two people making each other feel good in the moment?

 I do not want to lose my passions, but I'm beginning to think that this is where the term the "weaker" sex comes in, because it is due to my passions that I feel the most pain. I allow myself to trust and to feel with every part of my body.  Allowing myself to be penetrated in more ways then one. As they break through my walls of insecurity, vulnerability, and trust. Their words of love and their conflicting actions wound me. Is sex truly worth the pain and the consequences I might bear? What do men have to lose? Certainly not their dignity and or honor, sex is expected of them. This double standard almost makes me loathe men and sex. Our society has deemed me a whore, while my partner is patted on the back and congratulated.

So here my friends is my feminist rant. Women may have come great strides in the workplace however how far have we really come in the bedroom?

Can't Buy Me Love

Money. The root of so many problems and the thing I loathe to talk about, but something needs to be said. As much as I try to pretend that it doesn't exist my impending debt is beginning to claw it's way into my life. Maybe claw isn't the right word, debt and money is literally banging at my door so that it can choke the life out of me. This however isn't the first time money has tried to interfere with my happiness, money and finances   has also become a point of interest in my love life as well. 

I am considered by most to be middle class. My parents have done the best that they can with what they have, working their way up the job ladder from McDonald's cashier to an actual career able to support a family. I have been blessed to have parents that support me in every dream I can imagine. They have taken out more loans than I even want to consider as well as downsizing their lives to make mine possible. I have been privileged to say the least. Yet somehow I am in this grey area that is either not good enough or too good. 

The Teacher was from a very wealthy family. I always looked up to him and the privilages he was  given. He had season football tickets, theater tickets, hockey tickets, you name it. He also had his education paid in full at a private university, all he had to do was pass. I was not exactly considered dating material by his family and that was made clear right after we had called it splits. I did not realize it in full until now, but the way in which I treated him and vice versa was in direct correlation with our financial backgrounds. I viewed him as superior to me, in fact when I lost him I thought about all the financial stability I was giving up. How could a lowly girl like me do any better? He didn't do much to disprove my feelings of course, he used his season tickets into making me feel guilty I wasn't with him, or in some cases even as bribes for our secret rendezvous. I believe his exact words were "Prove to me how worthy you are". 

After the Teacher the White Knight rode in on his not so gallant stead. He was middle class much like me, but  comparatively lower in status. He was financially independent and just trying to make ends meet. Loans from his parents were a foreign concept to him and he was forced to find a way in which to support himself solely. He was a hard worker and took money seriously, well with the exception of his gambling expenditures. In his case we found a mutual bond in supporting each other. However he knew that I was still financially dependent on my parents. He would tease me as though I was a child, a spoiled child at that. He would mock my financial stresses by simply stating that I should just ask mommy and daddy for another loan. As the months passed I began to see how much he resented me for this. The resentment that I could still pursue my dreams, while the big bad dollar bill smothered his.    

So where do I find middle ground? Is the society of classes still alive and well today? Certainly I cannot be held accountable for the lot I have been given. So then how do I proceed in love without alienating friends and lovers? Is love truly greater than money in a capitalistic society? I'm beginning to think not.  

Sometimes you never learn...

From the wise lyrics of Miss Britney Spears "Oops I did it again". Last night was the reunion of the Teacher and me, his student, however it appears as though it is the Teacher this time who has not learned the lesson. The night started off well and good. We went over to Tiger Lily's apartment with some beer and a bottle of my favorite wine. After an awkward attempt at being normal I decided right then and there that it was time to start drinking and drinking heavily. As the alcohol flowed freely so did my mouth and there is where the trouble lies. I am known to be quite the flirt and perhaps I may have encouraged or certainly did not discourage his advances. Suddenly I was out of a bottle of wine and two beers in and things just started to feel familiar and comfortable.

We laughed about the old times and recalled a few racy memories. Finally we decided to leave and head back to my place. As soon as we walked into my apartment he began to literally play at my heart strings. He flipped through the song books and stroked the keys of my piano (no this is not a sexual innuendo) while I drunkenly slurred along. Everything felt like I had just re-entered the past. A past that I have fought so damn hard to forget.

I needed to sleep and the night was wearing on so I decided to lay my head down for a bit. He followed of course and I could feel a sense of where this had been leading all along. He pulled me in tight and I could smell the familiar scent of his cologne. My senses drifted into nostalgia, but just as I was about to fall victim to the comfort of his arms, my conscience startled me awake. Our faces were nearly touching as I sighed No. Simply no. Doors are meant to be closed and this one is meant to remain shut. I wish him nothing but the best in his life, but as for me friendship is all I see in him now. I believe that everyone is tempted to take the easy way out, to settle for what is comfortable, or what will make us feel better in the moment. Perhaps something could have happened between the Teacher and I, but how would I benefit from that? Being alone might be scary,  but it is far better than settling for what we already know. The Teacher finally left and I hope with all my heart that he understands my intentions. The chain is on this door, in hopes that a new one may open.

In other news, the Spanish Sweetheart is proving to be someone of interest. However if that is romantically is still left to be decided. Friendship wise I feel as though he has a lot of potential. He is definitely brutally honest to the point where it almost hurts. His intentions are good, but the way in which he states them tend to come off a bit jarring. He commented on the other night stating that I was a bit too forward with my talk of relationships and sex. He said that he would rather get to know whats inside my brain. However sweet this may be, sex and relationships are a large part of who I am. My sexual desires, quirks, and passion is a part of me. The fact that I can state it so boldly and unashamedly does not make me unintelligent by any means. I guess I may have taken all of what he said in a rather negative light, but when I talk of sex it isn't to gain popularity with men or to make me sound cool, it simply is just me being me. Why should I have to apologize for that? Or any female for that matter with a healthy sexual appetite.

In other news Tiger Lily has just informed me that she will be taking a vow of celibacy for a total of 6 months. In which I respond "Are you fucking crazy?!?!?!"  I cannot wait to see how this all plays out and I wish her the best of luck. I am certainly not envious of her position however I am interested to see how a life without sex can possibly free your mind to what else is out there. Sex clouds your judgement no matter how disciplined you are. Lord knows how many times I've skipped class, been late to work, not studied for a test, or skipped out on a work out, just so I could get busy with a man. In fact, think about how much sleep I would have gotten if I would have just went to bed. Maybe I also could have taken up the whole bed rather than waking up with that awkward kink in my neck the next morning. Ick. The things I sacrifice for a few minutes of a man's time. Maybe this celibacy thing isn't so bad after all.

Delayed Regrets?

I have a confession to make, well maybe a few to make. The White Knight did indeed visit my bed chambers not too long ago. The thing about it is that I thought it was a mutual usage? Does that word work? You see I had been doing so well on moving on and dealing with not having him in my life. I did it because I was becoming paranoid and possessive. After our breakup I was just counting down the hours and days until he would find some new maiden to woe and conquer. He insisted in friendship, but how can someone be friends with an Ex-lover? How can I watch my title of girlfriend slowly dissolve into friend? I am still hurting and I cannot deny that as much as I try.

He contacted me finally and with some choice words I was more than willing to take the trip down memory lane with him. The problem is that in our reunion I had convinced myself that I would be benefiting as well. Technically I did, I mean after all I didn't enter into the depressing chocolate stage of my loneliness, I got a great work out, and was definitely able to release on him some pent up aggression. But what I failed to think about was the aftershock. Once the sheets turned cold and the phone was silent once more, who wins? It's this constant power struggle to see who cares less.Or maybe I'm not even in a war at all? He came, he saw, he conquered and now he's on to the next battle field. 

The Cobra

So last night I received an unexpected visitor at my door. The Cobra as I like to call him, came over for drinks after recently breaking up with his Ex.  After a rousing chit and chat about past lovers and mistakes over a few English beers we stumbled back to my apartment. I am shocked at my willingness to be so open and honest with him. I know that I'm nowhere over my White Knight and he is definitely not over his ex. But what I enjoy most about the Cobra is that its never complicated. A true Friends With Benefits (FWB)should be someone that is stimulating and fun, someone that doesn't care where this is going, but only that you enjoy one another's company, if you know what I mean. Surprisingly I really really enjoyed his company. After all there is a reason for why he is titled The Cobra.

We met a few years back through our friend Tiger Lily. A few things you should know about Tiger Lily...
#1. She is Crazy... but in all the good ways
#2. There is never a dull moment with her. She has the ability to get you to do just about anything.
#3. She is infectious. You cannot help but love her.
#4. It's good to always stay on her good side. She will have your back no matter what.
#5. She has a way with the men and the ladies. : )

Currently Tiger Lily is entertaining a Spanish Sweetheart at her casa. Which reminds me to talk about what is on the docket for tonight. Interestingly enough I am having a reunion with my newly reformed Teacher. To answer any questions, this man derives his nickname due to the fact that he was my first of pretty much everything. Therefore The Teacher was my first instructor on the path of love and relationships. Tiger Lily, the Spanish Sweetheart, The Teacher, and myself will be drinking and catching up. This shall be interesting. You see, my Teacher and I have a very rocky past. We were young and stupid and he choose to abuse his power and me in our relationship. However it's now been almost 3 years since then and he claims to be reformed. I truly hope this is the case, but the past still freshly lingers in my memory. We are strictly friends now, well at least in my mind we are. Here's to hoping he feels the same.  Fingers crossed that the night does not end in any awkward sexual tension. : )

Until next time,
Just Another Girl

The Basics

Alright so as a writer I know that the best way to keep all of you interested is to share a bit about myself
#1. I am not some stupid love struck high schooler... though I may act like it sometimes.
#2. I am 22 years old.
#3. I live in the Twin Cities, however for safety reasons I shall not disclose my whereabouts.
#4. I am a senior finishing up my major in English.
#5. I have the craziest friends who shall be named Mary-Jane and Tiger Lily. (More about them to come)
#6. This blog will describe every date, drunken hookup, escapade, and awkward encounter with all the males and possibly females in my life.
#7. I pride myself on being open and honest as a writer.
#8. If you are a prude or a person with no sense of humor this blog is NOT for you.
#9. This blog is not suitable for children under the age of... When did people start learning about sex??... well whatever age that is.
#10. I'm just another girl telling her story like it is. Nothing romanticized, just the cold hard facts as shameful or embarrassing as somethings can be. These are my stories and my friends, exploring the ever frightening and emotionally scaring dating scene in Minneapolis, Minnesota.

It begins tonight :) so I better get ready.

Until next time,
Just Another Girl

Let's start from the beginning...

Once upon a time there lived a boy and a girl. Their paths did cross one drunken night in the throws of passion in her twin sized bed, and from there they decided to embark on the adventure of Love. In their quest, they went from friends to lovers and from lovers to friends (with benefits of course) in the matter of two years. The girl loved the boy as so many stories go, but alas her love was unrequited. And so began the slow dissolve into the end of their story and the beginning of another. This is a tale of breaking up, picking up the pieces, and moving on (well sort of). I’m just another girl writing her story and the stories of so many jaded women, trying to discover the true key to life’s mystery of finding love, keeping love, and hopefully getting over a broken heart.

The boy we shall name The White Knight, for he had rescued this damsel, or so she thought, from a horrible and dark lord named The Teacher.  However as time went on and she grew to know the Knight, his flaws began to show through. The Knight was smart and kind, but had never really known true love. He was timid and shy and afraid of the monster that lurked ahead, that is commitment. He was selfish at times and thought he knew much more about the ways of the world than most. However to the damsel He was her friend and confidant. She loved him for his flaws, and like so many do, tried to attempt to change the Knight, thus causing a rift in their relationship.

Please forgive me for starting yet another blog about heart break and love. But trust me this is not your usual story. There will be no boundaries and everything is up for discussion. I am currently 3 months down the road of being single from the timid White Knight, however I keep revisiting old wounds and jumping into old beds. Perhaps it’s the length of his sword? How he slays me so? I am undone of course yet trying to move on, which is proving to be a very tricky task. This blog is a documentation of the progression, or in some cases regression of getting over a broken heart. Enjoy!

Until next time,

Just Another Girl