Sometimes you never learn...

From the wise lyrics of Miss Britney Spears "Oops I did it again". Last night was the reunion of the Teacher and me, his student, however it appears as though it is the Teacher this time who has not learned the lesson. The night started off well and good. We went over to Tiger Lily's apartment with some beer and a bottle of my favorite wine. After an awkward attempt at being normal I decided right then and there that it was time to start drinking and drinking heavily. As the alcohol flowed freely so did my mouth and there is where the trouble lies. I am known to be quite the flirt and perhaps I may have encouraged or certainly did not discourage his advances. Suddenly I was out of a bottle of wine and two beers in and things just started to feel familiar and comfortable.

We laughed about the old times and recalled a few racy memories. Finally we decided to leave and head back to my place. As soon as we walked into my apartment he began to literally play at my heart strings. He flipped through the song books and stroked the keys of my piano (no this is not a sexual innuendo) while I drunkenly slurred along. Everything felt like I had just re-entered the past. A past that I have fought so damn hard to forget.

I needed to sleep and the night was wearing on so I decided to lay my head down for a bit. He followed of course and I could feel a sense of where this had been leading all along. He pulled me in tight and I could smell the familiar scent of his cologne. My senses drifted into nostalgia, but just as I was about to fall victim to the comfort of his arms, my conscience startled me awake. Our faces were nearly touching as I sighed No. Simply no. Doors are meant to be closed and this one is meant to remain shut. I wish him nothing but the best in his life, but as for me friendship is all I see in him now. I believe that everyone is tempted to take the easy way out, to settle for what is comfortable, or what will make us feel better in the moment. Perhaps something could have happened between the Teacher and I, but how would I benefit from that? Being alone might be scary,  but it is far better than settling for what we already know. The Teacher finally left and I hope with all my heart that he understands my intentions. The chain is on this door, in hopes that a new one may open.

In other news, the Spanish Sweetheart is proving to be someone of interest. However if that is romantically is still left to be decided. Friendship wise I feel as though he has a lot of potential. He is definitely brutally honest to the point where it almost hurts. His intentions are good, but the way in which he states them tend to come off a bit jarring. He commented on the other night stating that I was a bit too forward with my talk of relationships and sex. He said that he would rather get to know whats inside my brain. However sweet this may be, sex and relationships are a large part of who I am. My sexual desires, quirks, and passion is a part of me. The fact that I can state it so boldly and unashamedly does not make me unintelligent by any means. I guess I may have taken all of what he said in a rather negative light, but when I talk of sex it isn't to gain popularity with men or to make me sound cool, it simply is just me being me. Why should I have to apologize for that? Or any female for that matter with a healthy sexual appetite.

In other news Tiger Lily has just informed me that she will be taking a vow of celibacy for a total of 6 months. In which I respond "Are you fucking crazy?!?!?!"  I cannot wait to see how this all plays out and I wish her the best of luck. I am certainly not envious of her position however I am interested to see how a life without sex can possibly free your mind to what else is out there. Sex clouds your judgement no matter how disciplined you are. Lord knows how many times I've skipped class, been late to work, not studied for a test, or skipped out on a work out, just so I could get busy with a man. In fact, think about how much sleep I would have gotten if I would have just went to bed. Maybe I also could have taken up the whole bed rather than waking up with that awkward kink in my neck the next morning. Ick. The things I sacrifice for a few minutes of a man's time. Maybe this celibacy thing isn't so bad after all.