Money. The root of so many problems and the thing I loathe to talk about, but something needs to be said. As much as I try to pretend that it doesn't exist my impending debt is beginning to claw it's way into my life. Maybe claw isn't the right word, debt and money is literally banging at my door so that it can choke the life out of me. This however isn't the first time money has tried to interfere with my happiness, money and finances has also become a point of interest in my love life as well.
I am considered by most to be middle class. My parents have done the best that they can with what they have, working their way up the job ladder from McDonald's cashier to an actual career able to support a family. I have been blessed to have parents that support me in every dream I can imagine. They have taken out more loans than I even want to consider as well as downsizing their lives to make mine possible. I have been privileged to say the least. Yet somehow I am in this grey area that is either not good enough or too good.
The Teacher was from a very wealthy family. I always looked up to him and the privilages he was given. He had season football tickets, theater tickets, hockey tickets, you name it. He also had his education paid in full at a private university, all he had to do was pass. I was not exactly considered dating material by his family and that was made clear right after we had called it splits. I did not realize it in full until now, but the way in which I treated him and vice versa was in direct correlation with our financial backgrounds. I viewed him as superior to me, in fact when I lost him I thought about all the financial stability I was giving up. How could a lowly girl like me do any better? He didn't do much to disprove my feelings of course, he used his season tickets into making me feel guilty I wasn't with him, or in some cases even as bribes for our secret rendezvous. I believe his exact words were "Prove to me how worthy you are".
After the Teacher the White Knight rode in on his not so gallant stead. He was middle class much like me, but comparatively lower in status. He was financially independent and just trying to make ends meet. Loans from his parents were a foreign concept to him and he was forced to find a way in which to support himself solely. He was a hard worker and took money seriously, well with the exception of his gambling expenditures. In his case we found a mutual bond in supporting each other. However he knew that I was still financially dependent on my parents. He would tease me as though I was a child, a spoiled child at that. He would mock my financial stresses by simply stating that I should just ask mommy and daddy for another loan. As the months passed I began to see how much he resented me for this. The resentment that I could still pursue my dreams, while the big bad dollar bill smothered his.
So where do I find middle ground? Is the society of classes still alive and well today? Certainly I cannot be held accountable for the lot I have been given. So then how do I proceed in love without alienating friends and lovers? Is love truly greater than money in a capitalistic society? I'm beginning to think not.
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