At What Cost?

Every relationship has its own unique breaking point. The point at which we have reached the end of our rope and can no longer endure any more bull shit, for lack of a better word. The moment in where we begin to accept the harsh reality that something in the relationship is clearly not working out. However this breaking point doesn't always happen when we think it should.

People can go weeks, months, and years waiting for that devastating crash into rock bottom that signifies the end of things, the end of patience, and the end of accepting a toxic relationship. We roll our eyes, make up excuses, and rant to anyone who will listen, long after all of our friends and family members have advised us to let go. Sadly as hard and as loud as our friends can be, none of that makes any difference until we are ready to accept the truth. Until then we are willing to put up with ANYTHING.

Now, I know that I have touched upon this topic before, the plain and simple fact that if enough of your friends, family members, and perfect strangers are telling you to get out, they are almost 99.9% right. Now the  more significant problem lies as to what time will we be able to be ready to listen and act upon the advice. Over the course of my brief dating history I have noticed a few patterns...

1. You can make up excuses for absolutely anything.
2.If you really want to believe it, you will believe anything.
3.It's usually not the big things that make or break a relationship, but rather the compiling of many little things that eventually become to big to ignore.
4. Somehow you will know when it's the "right" time, but the trick is to stick to your guns after you have made the decision.

My motto, if the bad parts outweigh the good, get the hell out. And almost always trust your good friends, rather than pushing them away. Nothing hurts more than watching a good friend go through an unhealthy relationship. So at what cost is being in a toxic relationship better than being single. Maybe you truly are better off alone...at least for the time being :)

Fighting Strategies

One of the many gender stereotypes that I have run across during my dating experiences is that men and women have very different ways they go about a disagreement. I have narrowed it down to these five key points from both a male and female perspective.

                    MEN
       1. Somehow they always find a way to turn the story around to make it appear as if this all began with you.

• ex.  "The reason why I yelled at you is because you weren't listening to me all night long."                                                                or...
• ex. "I didn't mean to sleep with Shaniqua, but you weren't there for me emotionally and she was the only one I could turn to."

2.They find away to make YOU think that YOU are the one that is over-reacting and or being crazy.

• ex. "Baby it was only a joke, clearly you need to reevaluate your own insecurities."
•  ex. "Woah crazy, lets take it down a notch, when I said we should take a break clearly I meant from the situation."

3. When these two fail we leap into their tactic of self pity

• ex. "You're right I am such an awful person. I hate what I've done. You shouldn't be friends with a guy like me. I'm a lost cause." (Begin man tears)

4. Try to sweep things under the rug without ever apologizing. 

• ex. "I just want things to go back to the way they were. Wanna come over and cuddle?"
• ex."Let's make love not war."

5. And finally if all else fails, they turn up the heat. 

• ex. "God I'm so angry, but all I want to do is take you home and have my way with you. "
• ex. "Is all this anger turning you on too?"

Women on the other hand have their own fighting tricks as well. (Guilty)

1. Silent treatment

• ex. You know you messed up so now instead of telling you why I am mad and working it out I am going to let you stew about it for at least the next few hours. 

2. Use a threat

• ex. "I'm never talking to you again!"
• ex. "And if you think that we are having sex tonight you are dead wrong mister!"

3. Play the Victim- that is if none of these have brought him to his knees to apologize.

• ex. "How could you say those cruel things to me when all I have ever done is love you!

4. Indifference and acceptance (Be the calm and rational one in the relationship)

• ex. "Well if that's how you truly feel, I guess I can understand. I am so sorry things had to end this way." (Single tear)
• ex. "We aren't healthy for each other. I am so sorry if I ever made you feel you needed to act this way and I know it must be partially my fault."

5. Change of subject. (aka SEX)

• Ex."As angry as I am all I want to do is hold you. And leave all of this in the past (insert pet name). 

And there you have it, 

feel free to add your own. 

-Just Another Girl.

New Lesson, Old Story.

The lesson to be learned from yesterday's party and today's aftermath is this; If enough people are telling you something, it's a good idea to listen and realize that there is a good chance that they are right.

Time and time again I realize that sometimes we aren't ready to hear certain truths, so we play the denial game and shut our eyes super tight in hopes of the awful truth making itself disappear. It happened with my first boyfriend The Teacher. Two years flew by when I accepted to be treated with disrespect, demeaned by words and actions, and meant to feel like there was something wrong with me. Countless friends came up to me voicing their concerns on this toxic relationship, but in my mind nothing that The Teacher could do would ever stop me from loving him. Without delving too much into the past, I apologized for so many things that I should have never had to feel sorry for. I spent those two years idolizing him and putting myself down. I believed all of the cruel comments stating that I wasn't worthy of him and that I would never be good enough. All the while my friends were put on ignore as they desperately tried to save me from myself and the way I was being treated. It was embarrassing and frustrating to hear the opinions of my friends, but finally their words sank in.
           You would think that I had learned my lesson after this first fiasco of a relationship, but no. Yesterday I hosted my 23 birthday party. There is nothing like planning a group outing to get your stress levels up. After freaking out all day and text messaging all my guests to make sure things were going smoothly, the moment had finally come. I went to Fuji Ya for a fancy dinner with some of my close friends and then the plan was to go back to my apartment before heading out to the bars. My friend St. Cloud was visiting as well and I couldn't be happier to have her back in my life. I wanted to show her how much I loved living in the city and my circle of friends, but as the night went on my hopes of showing her a great night on the town diminished. The White Knight was also expected to be there, but due to bowling night, not liking sushi, lack of money, and poor communication things went a tad bit off. He had thought that after dinner I was going straight to the downtown bars, so he and his friends went much earlier than planned. After finding this out I desperately tried to rally the troops to correct this mishap.  
         Our Plan of Action: We got our group together, called a cab, waited over an hour and a half, and still no cab. The Knight was getting restless and I was getting more and more upset by the minute. This wasn't what I had planned, but what else could I do while I was stranded at home. Finally I snagged a cab and text-ed my awaiting party at the bar. However as soon as I got in the car I received  news from the Knight that he was ready to leave. Right then and there I was ready to burst into tears and my friends were upset that The Knight and my night was making me upset on my birthday night. I convinced him to stay, but felt guilty that I was held up for so long. As soon as I reached the bar and saw my White Knight I burst into tears. He was clearly stressed and I was about ready to have a panic attack. He told me that him and the therapist (I need a new name for him... if you remember right he is The Knight's roommate and my friend) were going to leave soon. They had waited too long and he suggested I rescheduled this whole night. I about had it. I had stressed all night and day to just get there, for everything to go smoothly, and all my friends to just celebrate with me. As wrong as it is he was the one person I most wanted to be there (clearly all my feelings had not exactly faded), and now he was going to leave? I felt like this night was all my fault. Tiger Lily, noticing I was upset, tried to separate us but that only made The Knight's mood worse. However I was determined to push through this rocky start.
             The night slowly got better as we slammed shots (thanks everyone) and whipped out our trashy dance moves on the dance floor. I failed to notice however that The Knight and his roomie weren't getting along. It was here that the roomie made an exit without telling The Knight, and of course The Knight was planning on him being his ride. This really got the Knight going, so St. Cloud, The Knight, and I decided to call it a night.
   Now I have always known the Knight to have a temper, and yes he may not always talk to me with respect,
but the words that came out of his mouth over the past 24 hours have left me completely stunned. He was upset and angry and used me as his punching bag. In front of my friend after being angry at a joke that I cracked, he used personal and embarrassing information to get back at me. In front of my friend he spoke to me as though I was some cheap, idiot, slut. This is where I finally opened my eyes and saw what my friends had been saying all along. What was the fucking point? Yes I loved him,I do miss him, and I enjoy spending time with him, but when 80 to 90 percent of that time is spent fighting and putting each other down what is the point? I wanted to end my days in Minnesota peacefully, but he is causing me more pain than I can handle for the next month and a half. It is time I started listening to my friends and family and kick this guy to the curb. I love, loved him more than anything. He was supposed to be my White Knight, here to save me, but instead he is leaving me wounded in battle.

Epic Rommance

So maybe my unhealthy need for drama is creeping in on my thoughts, but it has me thinking. Are the epic romances such as Edward and Bella, Chuck and Blair, and Romeo and Juliet really all that healthy? Shouldn't love be easy? More like marrying you best friend? However where is the fun and passion in that?

I have had two epic romances so far, but I was the one that made them just that. We fight, we break up, we make up, and we are back together again. So is this how "Love" is supposed to be? Or is it my own sick fantasy of drama and what TV and movies say is supposed to be undying love.  When break up's happen and doors close they are supposed to stay that way in hopes of healthier relationships finding their way into our lives. I'm gonna go with team Jacob on this one. Well.. until Chuck decides to sweep me off my feet.

More on this topic soon, I've got a party to get ready for : )

Playing Catch up

Well, clearly I decided to take a much longer vacation than I had initially intended. As much as I regret not writing I think the break was necessary in order to shake off all of the bitterness that had begun to consume me and my writings. Over the course of my vacation I developed a new out look on my last few months in Minneapolis  and a nasty cold that left me pretty much useless. After some much needed rest and about 30 episodes of "Charmed"(Thanks Netflix) later I have regained my voice both on the internet and in real life.

First of all Mr. Charming, my most recent suitor, is out of the running for my love and affection. Though he was a great rebound, he ended up being much more Mr. Cling than Charm. On our second date he decided to make more than one fatal mistake. #1. He criticized my driving (p.s. he doesn't even have a car, so shouldn't he be grateful for the free ride?) #2. I ended up paying for the date. #3. He was silent through most of the date, but would laugh to himself. I asked him what was up and all he would say was that he was trying to figure me out... no offense but when I'm on a date I do not want to feel like I am under examination. #4. He asked if he could meet my parents!!! (It's only our 2nd date jeez) #5. Took everything way too seriously. #6. After I had dropped him off for the night he called me not even 20 minutes later wanting to discuss our relationship and where this was going! Need I go further? At first I began to think maybe I am not used to nice guys... but as of last night I received a text message from a mutual friend that had set us up. Turns out that he is seeing three other women and is acting a bit more than strange. Farewell Mr. Charming. Turns out your charm only lasts so long.

On a different note, it seemed as though life was preparing me to move on to the next chapter in my life. After hanging around the White Knight I have realized that it may not be just me who is moving on. At first this scared me, but after all wasn't it I who was the first to venture out into the dating world again. I had achieved what I wanted by being the first to hop back into bed, but somehow all of that seems foolish now. Maybe I wasn't as prepared for the ramifications of my actions. Even though we are both taking great strides in moving on (He now has an Okcupid account now too...awkward) I am filled with a sadness. It's different however. This pain is dull and unlike the sharp pain experienced by sudden loss. Perhaps it is dull because it comes with acceptance. I accept that things will never be the same, I accept that this is what must be done, and I accept that no matter what that I am leaving.

Besides the pain of losing love, I also felt abandoned by my friends. Tiger Lily and I had a falling out over the course of my vacation. If you remember I was planning on celebrating my week of hell and homework by attending a Tech N9ne concert. Well that was a complete bust. I hurried home after my class on Thursday in hopes of meeting Tiger Lily at the concert. I hastily slipped into my sexiest dress and phoned a cab, all whilst downing 4 shots of cheap vodka. As I arrived at epic I also arrived to a looong line of anxious Tech N9ne fans. I called Tiger Lily in hopes of her meeting me outside with my ticket, but was dismayed when I realized I would have to wait like all of the others. I was told to call Tiger Lily once I hit the front of the line, but once I finally reached the concert doors Tiger Lily was no where to be found. An hour later, 28 ignored calls, and 8 or 9 text messages later there was still no sign of Tiger Lily. I was fed up and hurt. She knew how important that night was for me after how awful the week had been. There was nothing I needed more that night than a friend and a chance to shake off the worries and stresses that the week had caused me. I felt completely alone as I slammed down 3 vodka cranberries and looked over the masses chanting and dancing to Tech N9ne. Finally I gave up a grabbed a taxi. I was not about to go sulk alone at home so instead I crashed at the White Knights house. As I looked at my phone hoping for some apology I realized that my best friend at that moment was my Ex. For some reason this wasn't the most comforting feeling.

A few days went by and I had time to cool off and think over the events that had taken place, but alas my week did not get any easier. I got yelled at by both of my current bosses and dealt with the cruel fact that people are mean and work friends are just that. There is a reason why people choose to keep their professional life separate from their personal. Turns out some of my co-workers decided to spread rumors and lies that almost cost me my job. The people that I worked with and considered my friends had turned their back on me as well. Now I was positive that I was ready for a new start.

Finally a few more days passed and I got word and apology from Tiger Lily, but unfortunately the damage was done. I accept that we all do stupid and selfish things, but my trust is a bit diminished at the moment. My anger has subsided and I am so grateful and happy to have her as a friend, but I was hurt and it's taking sometime for me to mend the wounds. We are back on track however and I am happy to call her one of my best friends. : )

As for the men in my life... maybe it is time I took a break. The only problem is that Ill have plenty of time for breaks once I am back under the rule of my parents in TX. So shouldn't I get as much fun in while I can? The devil on my shoulder says to leap right in, however the one with the Halo is telling me to have patience. I'd love to get some opinions from my readers...what do you think?

Until Next Time,
Just Another Girl

Week of Yuck

I'm back from my man-cation!!! Unfortunately the relaxing time I was hoping to spend ended up being a week from hell. SO much has happened and I would rather not linger on all of the details, so in hopes of saving time I have provided my week in list format.

1. Mid-term
2. Three days of hard core cramming
3. An Essay
4. forgetting to do a whole chunk of that essay
5. Rushing out of class to go to a concert that I got stood up at.  
6. Getting in a fight with two of my friends
7. Getting yelled at by my boss at my internship
8. Getting yelled at by my boss at my work
9. A rumor that almost got me fired. Thank you to whoever decided to spread lies that I skipped work to go to a concert.
10. And finally now I am sick and haven't left my bed. yay!!!

That's all for now. Thus proving that when it rains, it pours.

Introducing Tiger Lily

Hello Everyone!!
Tiger Lily here, since my good friend is on a mancation this week I offered to take over here for her, as it seems that in the past 2 weeks more has happened with me and the fine men of Minneapolis than in the past 6 months.


A little bit about me...I just graduated from the University of Minnesota in psychology and am hoping that I will be starting school to get my PhD in the fall. I work at a group home for mentally ill adults and I love my job.  In the summer of 2010 I went through a really rough break up, and man that boy is still a little nuts! I enjoy the ahem *company* of both men and women, but this does NOT mean that I want to have a threesome with you and your significant other, as this seems to be the common assumption.  Don't get me wrong a little adventure is always a good time, but the offers get pretty creepy and weird pretty quickly. I am saying this for every bisexual girl out there, ATTENTION MEN: just because a girl is bisexual it does not mean she wants to have sex with you and your girlfriend because
1) you might be ugly
2) your girlfriend might be ugly
3) Bisexual does not mean "a person that has sex with anything that moves"

As you may recall, in August I made a promise Just Another Girl that i would be celibate for 6 months.  I figured since I was already 4 months into a dry spell, another 6 would be no problem.  Everything was going fine until the week before Halloween.  One night I hung out with an old flame, we will call him the Friend.  He and I met when we were both in relationships and became friends.  Well, we both ended our relationships in the summer of 2010.  We hooked up until about February but never had sex, and just started hanging out again recently.  Now this is probably the most confusing relationship in my life.  We are friends and we hang out, sometimes we just cuddle and fall asleep, sometimes we hook up, but, after almost a year of hanging out and hooking up on and off, we have not yet had sex, it hasn't really even been put on the table!! So one night the week before Halloween he called me and my parents were out of town.  So of course he comes over and we have a couple cocktails and catch up on life. Around 3am we get tired and retire to my bedroom. We lay in my bed talking and he keeps inching closer, until his face is a half in away from mine, he's so close i can feel his breath on my lips.  We end up hooking up, and bam, there goes my celibacy vow, but totally worth it.

Then Halloween weekend I met a man at Brothers, the Pimp.  We danced all night and after a little making out on the dance floor, I gave him my number.  He left to get me a drink but while he was gone, I met my Turkish Delight.  I swooned at his accent, he asked me to dance and within 2 minutes I had forgotten all about the Pimp.    I left with the Turkish Delight and we ended up going back to his house.. lets just say after that night there was no question of me breaking my vow, it was so broken but come on, he was a good looking man with an accent, what was I supposed to do?!  Finally, there is REM, a boy I work with.  This relationship is definitely much more slow paced, mostly based on texting, in fact we have been talking for a month but have only gone on one date, to him I kind of just want to say, grow a pair and take me out again, I know you like me!!!

So these are the four men that I have aquired in the last 2 weeks and am carefully trying to juggle.  I have dates with the Pimp and the Turkish delight this week, plus Mary Jane's birthday this weekend, it should be a fun, man filled weekend!! Now if I only I could find a lady to mix in with all these men, my love life would be complete, so if anyone knows any eligable bachelorette's, let me know :)

~Tiger Lily

Man-cation

Hey everyone,

So in light of recent events and dates I am taking a man-free vacation until at least Thursday in which Tiger Lily and I will be partying it up at the Tech n9ne concert. So to entertain you while I am gone and to give you a different perspective, Tiger Lily will be in charge of writing this week. She will fill you in on all of the dirty details. Wish me luck on my detox. My time of Hermitage in my apartment starts now!




Eat. Pray. Love. is what I have in store for the time being : )

Moving On...Litterally

I have some BIG NEWS. My blog and I will be moving in two to three months!!!
Yeehaw! This girl will be relocating to Dallas, Texas in hopes of wrangling some cowboys. I have decided to become a female nomad and begin my journey down south in hopes of continuing on to LONDON in the summer. Who could resist English blokes and Dallas cowboys?  It's going to be a few bitter sweet months and I am still trying to wrap my head around my journey ahead, but you will be with me every step of the way.

 

With all of this exciting news I can't help but wish a certain someone would follow the examples of all of the great romance movies...

I Can't Get No Satisfaction

I CAN'T GET NO SATISFACTION

And it's a god damn shame. We all have been there, in bed, trying our hardest and yet the end never comes so to speak. Cosmo magazine has always alerted me that this is common and normal for women, but lately I've noticed that it's not just the women who have problems coming to fruition. 

This could be caused by a number of things, liquor, nerves, maybe he has masturbated before, or maybe he's too afraid to show you how he likes it done. Every guy is different, but nothing is more disappointing than not getting proof of a "job" well done. As vile as it sounds, an orgasm is like a pat on the back for both partners. It's two bodies working as one, both aiming to please the other. However, after about an hour or so of foreplay and thrusting shouldn't there be a point where if it's going to happen it should have already? Can some guy answer me this question, if you can't orgasm, what is the point?  

This morning I had a lovely conversation with my two girlfriends Mary Jane and Tiger Lily, both have encountered men that were nearly impossible to please. One had never cum during sex!  How is this possible?   

I thought men were supposed to cum on cue? Obviously all of the horrible teen movies never prepared me for this obstacle. Though the girl may be having great earth shattering sex with the guy, my experience tells me that most would be unsatisfied if she couldn't return the favor.  Let me know your thoughts on this topic. I know there are more of you out there than you are willing to admit. 

Turn Around

In my last blog I ended things with a lot of despair and a hint of resilience, but in this weeks weekend report I have a whole new attitude. I not only turned my weekend around, but have also possibly found a very promising new lad. To recap, after Friday night's weak moment I went to bed and awoke with a whole new out look on life. I could either let this recent development with the White Knight discourage me, or I could just view it as a last obstacle in the game of moving on, a final battle so to speak. A guy that I had recently met over Halloween weekend proposed that we should meet up. Seeing that I was not going to let the Knight disarm me once more, I followed through and made plans with this new Mr. Charming (Time will tell if he gets the honor and title of Prince). I am pleased to say that I made the right move.

Saturday night's date was unexpected and exciting. We ended up going to Stella's (The irony of this will hit you later) and, like a good gentleman, he paid for everything. He kept it simple and fun. There was no pressure and it turns out that both of us had a lot in common. We came back after bar close starving and searching for a late night bite. We turned of course to my recent obsession, Toppers. As we anxiously waited for our pizza, our other hunger got the best of us. Suddenly I was half dressed and pizza was the furthest thing from my mind. My thoughts and heart were racing full speed ahead when my buzzer began to ring (Saved by the bell) I ran and pushed the button that would allow the pizza man in and rushed to throw on anything that would cover up my indecent state of undress. Luckily my date got to the door first and signed for the pizza. We settled down once again and devoured the pizza. I could say things ended there, but what fun would that be? He was cute, smart, and seemed to have his shit together, which is more than I can say for most of the men I have been dating these past few months. I decided to take a leap and see where the night could go.

Let's just say "Stella" got her grove back. So now the question is how do I feel? I honestly haven't computed my thoughts on the whole event, but what I do know is that it was FUN. Isn't this what I have been looking for? I need something simple and exciting. I don't want to worry about where this is going or what this could mean. For once I did something for me and took a risk. The best part was that in the morning, I wasn't thinking about Mr. White Knight or how it would effect him. I was finally gaining an independence and claim of my own body. I am a single woman hear me roar!

At first I felt a woman's guilt about what had occurred. As women we are expected to keep ourselves chaste, our numbers low, and our sexual desires at a dull roar. When are we going to retire these titles such as whore and slut? Men are praised for being sexually experienced. We love the bad boys and the Casanovas, but for ourselves we degrade the women who do the exact same things.  Why? Why must our morals and genders spoil something that is not wrong in the first place? My number is low, but I sometimes wonder, is this me adhering to what society thinks a woman should be? Am I censoring myself in an act of conforming to the limitations of my gender? Food for thought.

Drum Roll Please...

I'm a security blanket.
I thought I was done being heart broken, but as soon as I let my gaurd down and opened  that door just a crack, wham! A flood of emotions just swept over me to take me down the river of desperation. I never want to feel this way again. Not by him.

I Wish...

Hello Readers,

This is probably the most cowardly blog I have ever written. I am confused and there are so many things on my mind that I wish I could say, but can't find the courage to say out loud. It is pathetic that I am willing to say them here to people I barely know, but not to the man who I have been involved with for two years. (Yes that would be The White Knight) Maybe just writing these thoughts down will bring some clarity to my situation and give me the strength to finally say them to his face. 

First of all he keeps sending me all of these signs that he is NOT over me. Doing little acts in hopes (I think) of bringing us closer. These are little acts that only someone who has known him like I have would notice, but none the less his want for me has grown since I began pulling away. Which poses the question; Does he love me or am I just his security blanket? Either way this isn't fair to me or him, and no matter how I phrase this question to him, he avoids it like the plague. He can't take it seriously and I can't ask the question of "Do you love me?" in a way that doesn't sound like I'm the desperate one. 

The truth is that I do love him, but I'm moving on. I need more in a relationship that I am not seeing from him. Here is the deal: if he doesn't love me (which I think is case) He needs to let me go. As much as I love the attention, him, and having him all to myself, He needs to move on and allow me to do the same. The thing that I wish most for him is for him to be happy. I would like to see him (maybe not visibly) fall in love and achieve all that he wants in life. I would also like to be happy and not feel as though we are holding each other back. Especially with the likelihood of me moving out of state in a few months time. However if he does love me, well then I am confused. I don't want to say that he is out of my heart quite fully, but there are a lot of things that he would have to prove before I could pull down this wall that I have created between us. The fact is that he broke my heart and I don't know if I have forgiven him for that. He not only broke my heart once by breaking up with me, but twice. He got cold feet and ran away at the mention of those three words. How can he begin to gain back my trust? But most of all before he can love me (if he even does) he needs to begin to love himself. 

This stage that we are in confuses me to no end. Maybe it is time to rip off the band aid and let the pain begin. I want to move on. Whether that is with him or with out. I hope he feels the same. 

Until Next Time, 

Just Another Girl  

Halloween's tricks and treats

Happy Belated Halloween! I hope everyone had a fabulous holiday and didn't freeze too much running around in those short costumes. I find it absolutely hilarious that the only options for women in the Halloween super stores are slutty versions of cops, nurses, witches, and any thing else you could possibly dream of. Needless to say dressing conservative is out of the question. However, the men's section is much more clever and warmer for the cold October holiday. Anyway, I am not here to rant about the marketing for Halloween today. Instead, sit back and relax as I recap the weekend. The weekend was full of treats and tricks. However the tricks have put a sour taste in my mouth in which I'm hoping some chocolate might help.

On Saturday night I threw a small get together at my apartment. A few people showed up, but sadly it was not exactly the turn out I was hoping for. Tiger Lily joined me after work along with The White Knight and we got into out costumes and headed out into the city. We decided to make it simple and just go to the cheap bro bar known as Brothers. As much as it is trashy, I never cease to have a good time. We met a few friends there along the way and I was introduced to a very cute new boy. The only problem was that I had The White Knight and I wasn't about to ditch him. The White Knight and I were finally getting along and the last thing I needed was to start up drama. I flirted with the new boy but kept my distance out of respect. The funny thing  was that The White Knight encouraged me to dance with the new guy. The only problem was that when I did, The White Knight just sat in a corner and sipped his drink. He wasn't even trying to meet new people and he even had girls trying to talk to him. I gave him the "it's okay" sign, but he just shrugged it off stating that they were only after free drinks.

A tip to men- Use the drink situation to break the ice! Not all of us are cold heartless bitches who are only trying to get a free Rum and Coke.

I felt guilty and ended up blowing off new guy to make sure The White Knight was having a fun night. Later that night we came back to my place and Miss Tiger Lily had found a cute Turkish boy to cuddle with on my couch. (His accent was pretty damn attractive.) Though, this is where my time with The White Knight turned ugly. He was upset that she had brought over another boy and that earlier in the night Tiger Lily had set her sights on a different boy. The thing about Tiger Lily is that she is a single woman and she can do whatever she wants. The Knight turned to me and stated "You would never do that" in which I snorted in laughter and said "I have done that". It's harmless fun and I feel as though women get put on this pedestal that most of us can't live up to. It is unfair and frankly foolish. However the moral of this story is that maybe The White Knight doesn't know me as well as I thought. I can't live up to his image and I certainly don't want to.

And now for the real trick of Halloween weekend. Yesterday I had a scheduled date with the Hipster. I contacted him to see if we were still on and everything seemed fine. The plan was for me and my girlfriends to meet him and his friends at First Ave. We were supposed to leave around 9 pm, so at 8:30 I sent him a text...nothing. An hour rolled around and I still hadn't heard from him, so I called...nothing. Finally I decided to say screw him and go out with just my girls. After all we had spent time getting ready and putting on our costumes. I called up Madison and we headed to the Uptown bars. I met two very nice guys, but failed at kissing them since out of frustration I had consumed one too many drinks. (I did get digits however). Finally at  12:43 AM(!!!!!) The Hipster text messages me, stating that he forgot his phone at home and he was so sorry. "Please don't be mad" he stated, however it was a little too late. I simply text-ed back "I am kinda mad. I am out right now. I got three of my girlfriends to come out and never heard from you." ... No response from the Hipster after that.

I am sorry, but if you are into someone and you know you have plans with them, you keep your phone by you at all times!!! Clearly he is either a dumb ass or avoiding the painful discussion that he's just not that into me.
Spare me the excuses and just be real with me. Don't waste my time, I have plenty of other options.

Sincerely,
Just Another Girl

Apologies to a Cab Driver

As I lay in my bed my conscience is nagging at me, which is preventing me from drifting off into dreamland. It has been one of those weeks. One of those weeks in which I feel I should be quarantined from my social life and forced to live in solitude. At least all the ladies should have an inkling of what I am going through. I practically cried over an episode of "Charmed".   If you think that is bad it just gets worse. I was unable to avoid social interactions this week due to Madison's Birthday, which was fun by the way, but I was a hot mess of mood swings. One minute I'm the happy energetic girl and then the next minute I am crying in Mary Jane's kitchen because I was mad that the cab driver called me drunk (which I was) and I took offense to that. Not to mention earlier in the night when my hair wouldn't curl right and I debated just calling it quits right there.

So, this is my apology to Mr. Cab driver.

Dear Mr. Cab Driver,
Thank you for delivering me and Mary Jane safely home after a night of drinking and bad eighties hair and music. I apologize for my sudden out burst when you were clearly stating the obvious, that I was indeed inebriated. Also I apologize for being a snobby customer and threatening to not tip you. I hope you and Mary Jane got a good laugh out of me and my drunken temper tantrum. If it helps, my night was spent on an uncomfortably small couch and I suffered back pains all day. Look to this as my Karma perhaps?

Sincerely,
Just Another Crying Drunk Girl.

P.S. Alcohol and PMS do not mix.

Sometimes I can be such a baby.

"I Know it's Wrong, Hanging on too Long"

Wow- I think wow is the only word that describes last night. I am filled with utter relief, yet sadness. I went over to The White Knights Castle once more to watch some Netflix and catch up on each other's lives. But lately every time we speak I feel like I'm dueling with him over who is right and who is wrong. I feel as though he bombards me with thousands of questions and that my efforts are never good enough. Finally I snapped and decided to confront him about his infuriating ways. "Why can't we just get along" I yelled, until I broke out into sobs exclaiming that I was "exhausted of fighting". I was also frustrated that I couldn't have a serious conversation with the Knight without his roomie, the therapist, stepping in and lending his unasked for opinion on our relationship. I was very proud of the Knight when he finally stood up for me and told the Therapist to stay out of it.

The Knight begged me to stay and sleep "nothing sexual" he added. By this point it was 1:30 am and I was too exhausted emotionally and physically to say no. We laid in bed holding each other, just clinging for something to hold on to. We were wrapped up in each other so tight, just praying that we could put the pieces back together. Super glue us back together possibly, but once severed you can't glue or sew a torn relationship back together. He then began kissing me and I tried to just sway him to go to bed and just enjoy us laying together. However the Knight would not be swayed. He suddenly stopped and asked "Are you not sexually attracted to me anymore?". I paused, trying to think of a way to tread around this answer carefully, but there was no use. "I am attracted to you and physically and sexually everything feels fine, but you know me______, I can't have sex or anything when there isn't emotional tied into it. " I blurted out. He instantly pulled away and rolled over. "You don't feel anything anymore?" he whispered. Tears were streaming down my cheeks as I nodded my head, that the romantic feelings has begun to fade. "I don't want to hurt you, but I am falling out of love/like for you." I whispered back. This surprised him. He rolled over and held me even tighter now. He didn't ask for me back. He didn't protest his love, but his silence and his touch said more than words ever could.

We made love for possibly the last time. He wanted me to give him the honor of one last time, but I didn't want this to be an act of pity. He was clinging so desperate to me and my heart broke all over again. It's amazing what the heart can stand. We fell asleep and I couldn't help feeling relieved that I had finally said the words that had been plaguing my mind for so many weeks, but at the same time I don't know if I'm quite ready to dead bolt the door shut quite yet. Maybe some day, if the stars align again (corny, I know) the White Knight and I could make it work. But for now, it is time to start letting go. Change is so frightening.

Hot for a Hipster??

My oh my, have I got a thing for a new boy in my life. Well not so much new, but finally after months of finding him attractive and seeing him at parties, I finally made my move. He is the one, if you remember, that flaked on me last week. (view strange encounters)  Well, he finally followed through and we went out for a late night bite to eat at The Herkimer. I think he was a tad bit nervous, or at least not used to actually going out on dates, because he invited his roomie along to act as a buffer. After an hour or so on our date his roommate made his exit and allowed us to be alone. Nothing happened, but it was nice to finally be alone with the hipster and get to know him in a more sober setting.

I don't know if I would say he is relationship material, but he is certainly delicious and nice to look at. He is older than me, has a good job, seems to have a good sense of who he is, and has a good group of friends. I'm really attracted to him, even if it does end up being just a fling. I'm not about to cut him out of the running for a relationship, but I figure if something happens sweet, if not that's cool too. I don't want to feel like its work and I think he feels the exact same way.

Our "formal" date happened on Thursday, but I did get to see him over the weekend as well. I decided that all work and no play was making me a very dull girl. Of course if you're looking for an adventurous night out there is absolutely one person you have to call...Tiger Lily. She happened to want to meet up with a boy she had met a few weeks ago, so we decided to scratch each other's backs.  We ended up meeting her beau first who was pretty cute, however he had his buddy along who apparently had a girlfriend and quite frankly I had hipster on my brain. After convincing the boys to tag along down town so I could meet my hipster we finally made it to Brothers. Tiger Lily found it very funny to match me up with the biggest Bro I had ever seen. To describe this bro for you, I would say he was a mixture between Vanilla Ice and the fist pumping Jersey Shore gang. I begrudgingly danced with him to LMFAO's Party Rock Anthem (Can we get any more cliche?) and sucked down my vodka cran as quick as I could. "Oops, looks like I need a refill" was my exit line and I booked it out of there to find and kill Tiger Lily for her scheming ways.

Finally 1:30 am rolled around and the chance of meeting up with the hipster was looking bleak. Finally my phone got a text from him stating that him and his friends were just down the street at First ave. We made it there relatively quick, however Tiger Lily decided with her heels and dress, a cab was necessary. Her beau was eager to please and shelled out the ridiculous cab fair of five dollars for one city block. It was an interesting night full of cab drivers, one guy even entertained us by showing us pictures of his wife and chastising Tiger Lilly and me for even trying to flirt our way out of a cab fare.

We finally found the hipster (which wasn't too hard considering he is very tall) and all of a sudden I was shy. Vivacious and liquid courage me had disappeared. I decided it was time for me to regroup and catch a breath in the bathroom. He offered to take me upstairs and show me where it was. When exiting I noticed that he was waiting for me. He lightly guided my body towards his and put his arm around me. I took this to be a good sign and slowly began to build up my confidence once more. The bar was beginning to shut down and this was my last chance to make contact with the hipster. We were outside by this time and we were getting prepared to head home. He was holding my hand and about to give me a good bye hug when suddenly I had the balls to say "Don't I get a goodnight kiss?".  He laughed and gave me a quick peck on the lips and invited Tiger Lily and I back to his place. With permission from Tiger Lily, we were off. Luckily he lives only 3 or 4 blocks from my place.

We didn't do much else than kiss, but it was a good night. I walked home with Tiger lily in the wee hours of the morning and that my friends is a whole other blog, so for now...

Until Next Time,

Just Another Girl

P.s. Enjoy hipster Alice!

The Other Woman?

I decided that today we would take a break from me and focus on my close friend Tiger Lily. One thing that you learn as you move through life is the disappointing fact that life is not fair. Many times we are placed in situations and circumstances that we didn't exactly ask for, but never the less we are forced to deal with what we have been given. Last weekend Tiger Lily found herself in one of these situations, and even though I have known for a long time that life is unfair, it never ceases to slap me across the face.

Tiger Lily got herself in a sticky situation that she did not ask for. It began one night when she went out with one of her good friend's boyfriend. They had hung out before with out the friend and their relationship was strictly platonic. However after a few drinks the guy began to say things he probably shouldn't and bathe Tiger Lily with compliments. It's one of those situations where you know something is a bit off, but you keep hoping that maybe you are just over reacting and being paranoid. After all how could your best friend's boyfriend be hitting on you? They began to walk home from the concert they were at, and slowly but surely he made his move. Clearly there were steps that could have been avoided, but never the less he planted a kiss, and drunkenly she kissed him back. Moments later she pushed him off of her realizing that this was her friend's boyfriend. This was not supposed to happen. This break of trust led her to run away in which he followed her and managed to calm Tiger Lily down. But things progressed on his end as he kept pushing himself on her (not physically, but in his manner of speaking and a brief and sad attempt at getting something more to happen). He began trying to talk to Tiger Lily about sex and how beautiful she was, clearly not topics a guy with a girlfriend should be talking about. Tiger Lily then went home upset and confused at the events that had taken place.

So since I have already had an article on cheating and cheaters, what about when you get stuck in the middle? Does this make you a bad person? Is it fair that a person's stupid actions can lead to you losing your reputation and possibly a close friend? Does "Don't kill the messenger" work in this situation? The tricky thing here is wondering where do you go after this transgression has occurred? Do you tell your friend? In my opinion, yes.

The boyfriend was selfish to place his needs above his loyalty to your friend. She needs to know. She may be mad at you at first, but if you really care about someone, sometimes we have to make sacrifices to protect those we love. It hurts and it seems unfair, but that's life.

I love you Tiger Lily. Stay strong. I know that you are not the only one who has been thrown into this kind of situation. You're not a bad person and someday your friend will thank you for telling the truth. Just have faith.

Am I Better Off Alone?

So if you have been reading my blogs, I'm sure you can tell that I have been under a lot of stress lately. Free time seems to be a thing of the past and lately the dates that I have made time for seem more like work and research than anything else. Maybe this is the consequence of making dating you're job.

With all of the unsuccessful dates and almost dates, I am beginning to wonder if I am better off alone. Dating shouldn't be this hard. Finding a connection both physically and mentally shouldn't be the end goal to my life right? But then again isn't love what we are destined for? However if this theory of the meaning of life is right, how do we account for the many life long bachelors? Am I putting too much emphasis on finding the right man? Am I too picky? Do I think I'm ready, but as long as I keep running back for comfort from the White Knight after every wrong turn on the dating path, I can never truly open up my heart? Most pressing of all these questions is WHAT IS THE POINT?

I have a confession to make that I have been trying to deny for some time now. My time here in Minneapolis is short lived. Financially, once school ends for me and the government and my parents cut me off, I have no other choice than to leave the city. I feel like any relationship that I could get into here has an expiration date. How can I fall for a terminal love? I'm not looking to get hurt or hurt someone else, and at the same time I am not looking for casual sex. I want more, but my time is running out.

About 3 months left and it breaks my heart. I don't want to leave. I am petrified. It's this strange in between of the reality of growing up. Saying good bye to past loves and friends. Good bye to child hood memories and my crazy college years.  It is the kiss of death and the dead bolt to anything I could or can have with the white knight. Maybe it's time I started to push away. Instead of opening my heart to others, I think it could be time to start closing doors and accepting that this is a new slate where my past need not follow. Pull back little by little the feelings of attachment to this city, so that I can finally be ready to break free. 

Strange Encounters

A week of hell has finally passed by me and this week looks much more promising.

My love life has been put on the back burner, so this weeks catch up will be much shorter than usual.

1. I was flaked on by probably the only "hipster" I would ever let any where near my panties. His loss. The White Knight took full advantage of his lost opportunity, and honestly I don't feel too bad about it.

2. While watching the Vikings game at a sports bar in uptown with Madison, I was spotted! This was a strange encounter. One of the men that I had been talking to from OKcupid recognized me. It was very awkward and I am very glad to have not accepted his date.

Tonight I will be posting a new topic, so stay tuned  : )

Signs

First of all I am sorry about the lack of postings this week. My life has been buried under homework, work, and midterms. However a lot has taken place over the course of a few days. 

1. I went out on a date with a man I am naming the intellectual. He is a bit of a nerd, but he is completely what I have been looking for mentally in a man. We talked for hours over sushi about traveling, literature, movies, and even philosophers. The only problem is that though he satisfies me mentally, the physical chemistry is missing. I am sad that my mind can only think of him as a friend. Maybe that could change, considering he is the most normal guy when it comes to dating that I have encountered in a long time. He even asked me point blank where I thought this could go, and then didn't lose his cool when I broke it to him that I only saw friendship. 

2. Rx I have decided is truly crazy and not worth my time. He demanded my time and when I broke the news that I wasn't looking for a serious relationship, jumped to the conclusion that I only wanted sex. Of course he was totally cool with this idea. I on the other hand am not. When I say that I don't want a serious relationship it does not mean that I want a fuck buddy. I would just like to go on a few dates, get to know a person, possibly get physical if all goes well, and see where it leads. I don't have the time to commit spending a certain number of hours with someone and dealing with all of the baggage. I have my own problems to deal with. He decided I was not worth spending money on if there wasn't a guarantee for sex, so buh-bye Rx. Take care. 

3. I keep having these weird sexual dreams with women...I don't think that these are signs that I am Bi and or a lesbian, but it is interesting to think that they have something to do with me being frustrated with men. Perhaps I should debunk this sign and try swinging the other way. I wouldn't mind a date with a woman, maybe it could bring me clarity as to what is really going on in my love life. 

Well that is all for now considering the time is ticking and I still have to finish this book in my hand. 

Until Next Time, 

Just Another Girl

Dirty Little Secrets

Back in grade school I once heard the saying "Secrets, secrets, are no fun, secrets, secrets hurt someone." How true that phrase was. Secrets never stay buried for long, they either come out right away or slowly over time begin to destroy and penetrate their keepers from the inside out. In one way or another every action has its consequence and we are all victims of the aftermath of our decisions.

I think my mother taught me well, when at the tender age of nine I began watching daytime soaps. Not only did I get to witness some horrible writing and a few cases of bad acting, but I got to learn that every secret, no matter how small, would eventually come and bite you in the ass. Soap operas may be dramatic and unrealistic, but they certainly got one thing right and for that I am thankful. They definitely put the fear of God in me to never tell a lie. 

There is always one secret that plagues so many relationships and has ended in so many of loves demises for centuries upon centuries, cheating. 

We all know it's wrong of course, but yet the temptation of it still manages to ensnare so many of us. It's a tricky subject full of questions such as; what qualifies as cheating, what justifies it, and what are the reasons for the cheating to happen in the first place? Being someone who has been cheated on and possibly someone who has been guilty of emotional cheating, here is how I see it:

Cheating is not right in any way, shape, or form! There is no excuse what so ever. The claim that he or she cheated on you first does not apply or justify, so please save that argument for someone else. Cheating is any emotional or physical transgression with another person other than your partner who you have voluntarily committed yourself to. If temptation is knocking at your door then there is something wrong with the relationship you are in and you have one of two responsible choices. 1. You express your problems and discuss them with your partner. Confronting the problem head on instead of looking for someone else to fix it for you. This is a difficult choice, but its the mature one that can hopefully save your relationship and or help you both realize that it's not working without causing any other harm. 2.If you are positive that this cannot be fixed and or have no real desire to fix it, just end it now. You are being completely selfish by wasting that persons time if you don't feel the same way. Besides the other person, you are wasting your time as well, simply for the fact that you are too scared of being alone and having an uncomfortable talk.

So that explains how I feel about what to do if the you get the itch to cheat, but what  about once the act has already been committed? As stated above, secrets are impossible to keep forever. No, you cannot sweep things under the rug and hope that they never see the light of day. Life does not work that way. It may be a temporary fix, but the problem will only get worse if you do not confront it head on. When dating my first real boyfriend The Teacher, it took me an entire year to find out the truth. Time didn't make his infidelity any less painful, in fact it made me trust him even less. How could I ever see a future with someone who could so easily deceive me as he did? How could I trust someone who so easily lied to my face for an entire year? Yes cheating happens, but it doesn't have to mean the end in all cases. If my boyfriend would have been honest with me when the cheating had happened, I can't lie and say I wouldn't be heartbroken, hell I may have still said I never wanted to date him again, but I would have had a lot more respect for his character and may not have slammed and bolted the door so tightly on the possibility of something more in the future. Since then I have forgiven him for what happened and part of me can understand why he did what he did, but I will never understand how and why he hid it for so long and why he kept me around. And for that part of his character I can't forgive. 

This blog post is not meant to be a dig at cheaters, more of a wake up call for both parties. Cheating does not make you a bad person. Everyone makes mistakes, even me. So here is my confession, while at the end of The White Knight's and my relationship I pushed and toed the line of emotional cheating. I wasn't getting the attention that I needed from the Knight, we were fighting all the time, and sexually we were at a plateau. Instead of sitting him down and sharing this growing need for his affection I began searching for it in others. I toyed with the ideas that maybe the men who were paying attention to me would be a better fit. Finally, our relationship began to come to a screeching halt after the moment when I decided to finally confront the Knight about my concerns and he shrugged them off and went into ignore mode. We gave up. I gave up first because I didn't want to ruffle any feathers and then he gave up trying to make the relationship work. I never physically cheated, but that period in which I began to invest parts of myself with other people, other than my white knight, began constructing one of the many walls between him and I. Wall after wall was built to protect ourselves from getting hurt, until finally we were both left alone and angry. No one wins. It's good to be careful in love, but there is a point in which we are only isolating ourselves. The struggle for power and the game of who cares less in a relationship is counterproductive because in the end what did you really gain? Congrats! You proved that you have control and the final say, but it doesn't mean much when you lose everything else. 

Bad Omen...

So judging by my last few blogs I decided it was time for a much needed vacation. The closest thing I could afford was a trip to The White Knight's Castle. I was in for a fun night just the two of us and a big bottle of liquor, but when I finally arrived I was surprised to find out that we were not alone. My therapist (aka the roommate and my gay boo) was there with a wonderful pot of pasta ready and waiting for me. Things were going smoothly and I was already three or four cocktails in, when we decided to go to the local dive bar 331. It was Katy Perry night and I was dying to relive my once "Teenage Dream". What I should have realized was how much the white knight had consumed over the past few hours. We arrived at 331 and went to the back patio in hopes of enjoying one of the few precious last warm nights of fall.

 Here is where things began to get heated. I cannot recall what exactly set him off other than it was a conversation about how everyone can be a bit self absorbed from time to time. The White Knight in his drunken stupor decided to boldly declare that he was innocent of being self absorbed. I guess I should have just kept my big mouth shut right then and there, but I couldn't help the small giggle that escaped my mouth. This began to open a whole can of worms and an uncomfortable discussion ensued that was anything but relaxing. Bye bye vacation for me. He insisted on specific examples and would not rest until we gave him proof that he could be self absorbed. I tried to be nice and keep it vague, but that wasn't enough for him. Finally filled with frustration I let it all out. Everything that had annoyed me about his selfishness while we were dating that still persisted even now. Such as the fact that he never tried to meet me half way and hang out with my friends or come over to my apartment, the fact that he could never make certain plans in advance just in case something better would come along, and etc. My therapist was all in agreement up till now, but as soon as I let these thoughts out into the open he decided to chime in with "That sounds a little like a relationship". RELATIONSHIP! Excuse me? I am not the only one who keeps putting the elements of a relationship into the knight's and my friendship. But yes of course because I am the girl, my wants and needs get chalked up to me wanting a relationship. Right then I decided this was enough and stormed out stating that I was looking for no strings, but clearly I can't voice my mind without the word relationship coming into play and everything just going from easy to complicated.  A few minutes later both of the boys came back into the bar with their tails between their legs. The Knight kissed my neck and apologized for hounding me with questions and not listening to me when I provided him answers. He asked me to dance and I decided to drop the fight for now. Though as we danced to the cover band the word "Relationship" loomed over me.

On our walk home I walked silently hand in hand with the knight. He inquired to what was on my mind and was I still mad about our fight. I simply stated that it didn't matter anymore and that I was fine. He again persisted in asking me to tell him what was on my mind. After question after question and promising me that he wouldn't be angry and that he wanted to know, I finally gave in. By this point we were at home and cuddling in bed. I rolled over to face him and whispered "Are we really just friends? Is that all that this is?". He paused for a moment and attempted to stammer out a reply, just as I thought he was about to answer my question, he violently got up and ran to the bathroom to puke his guts out for the next half an hour. I rolled over, closed my eyes, and decided this was a bad omen. A very bad omen.

Everyone Wants a Piece

Alright I'm here to yell "STOP".

The whole world wants a piece of me and I'm pretty much out of me to share. I am spread so thin at the moment that I am having a hard time finding time for myself. So to save time for both you and me I have decided to recap these past few days in an easy to read format. Yay, for efficiency!

Thursday:

So my weekend started out with a quiet bang when I met Mr. Spielberg for drinks in uptown. He was a gentlemen and very sweet. There was nothing wrong with him and we had a great time, but I think here is where the story ends. There were no sparks and I don't think that he is quite what I am looking for. He was a little bit younger than me and pursuing film, but I think I am looking for someone a bit more experienced in the world. 

Friday and Saturday:

I hardly remember the weekend and it definitely wasn't for fun reasons. The weekend is a blur of work, my feet still haven't recovered from working in the restaurant all day. 

Sunday:

On Sunday night I paid a visit to The White Knight. It was a relaxing end to my weekend spending the night curled up on the couch watching Netflix. There isn't any fireworks with us any longer and I am still holding true to the belief that I am over him. But these past few weeks have been so nice I almost wish it could work out between us. I know he is most likely acting the part as my security blanket and unfortunately for me to fully move on and grow up he must be torn from my arms, but for now with my life being as busy as it is, he is just want I need. 

Monday:

And now we have come to today. Over the entirety of this weekend I have kept in contact with my potential daters especially Rx the pharmacist. Though, after today I am this close to just telling them all of them to bug off and leave me alone. I received this lovely text from Rx this weekend "Why is that when girls meet a guy for the first time, they don't get together with them again right away? Ms. Relationship expert..."  First of all tone down the sarcasm sir. I never ever said I was a relationship expert, in fact I'm just trying to figure this stuff out too(hence the blog...). Second of all Mr. Paranoia, I am a busy girl there is no reason other than that I am busy. Its as simple as that. I simply responded that I really was just busy and that I had a good time and would like to meet him again, but then he retorted that I'm just making up excuses and that if I really liked him I would have made time for him! EXCUSE ME??? We have met only once! No offense but this wasn't suppose to be serious and I have other things going on in my life other than making time for you. 

Until Next Time, 

Just Another Girl...

Pleasant Surprises

Today was my coffee date with Rx (Mr. Medicine's new and official name). As I trudged myself out of bed, which was very difficult due to the massive amount of NyQuil I had digested the night before, I debated just leaving the poor guy at the coffee shop and sink back into my bed. But my morals brought me to the shower and I begrudgingly began my day as usual. We were set to meet at 9:30am at a coffee shop near my house. I must admit I was thankful for the opportunity to start my morning with some caffeine that would hopefully lead to a productive day. But as the hour neared I received several texts from Rx stating that he would be running late and asking me if I wouldn't mind pushing it back to 10 am. I reluctantly said yes and patiently waited for what I thought was going to be an awkward and uncomfortable first meeting and hopefully my last.

Yes I know it's terrible but I was kind of hoping that this date would lead to me ruling out his potential in the race for my heart. However as I sat alone at one of the tables inside the coffee house Mr. Rx finally made his appearance. He was cute definitely the blonde hair blue eyed type. He had on tennis attire and walked with an air of confidence. He clearly knew he was good looking and knew he was a catch. As we began to talk however he seemed humble and very down to earth. He was easy to talk to and had a very benevolent way of speaking. This was so different from the man I had been texting this past week. Mr. Rx over text seemed so overbearing, controlling, and abrasive. Where was he? Then it occurred to me... maybe the problem was me. Have I truly been over analyzing everything? Maybe there is some hidden vendetta I hide in my heart against good looking men, built on terrible high school experiences of being referred to as a freak or a geek. I guess I always associate prettiness to pettiness and now that I have grown and possibly joined their ranks I still carry with me that girl in High School that never really got asked to a dance, never had a boyfriend, or a first kiss. Maybe I'm still the girl eating lunch alone in the music hallway wondering why the guy that I pined for could never like me back.

Mary Jane once said that maybe I am just more secure with the average Joe, the guys that are deemed "Hot" intimidate me too much that I build a wall around me and shut them out. I really need to shed this thick skin I grew to protect myself. I'm not that girl anymore and this isn't junior high or high school. Anyways moving on, I am very glad I gave Rx a fighting chance and it ended up being much much better than I had expected. I am still holding some reservations, but I won't count him out quite yet.

In other news I have date number two tomorrow night. I have been talking to him for quite sometime and we seem to have a lot in common. I think I'll name him Spielberg, after all he is a film maker. He seems very sweet and promising. With all these men what's a girl to do? Enjoy the free drinks duh.

Until Next Time,

Just Another Girl

It's raining men... hallelujah?

Oh boy what have I got myself into? I am currently in contact with four eligible bachelors. Mr. Medicine man and I are finally getting coffee tomorrow but dear lord this seems like disaster waiting to happen. Maybe at least this will narrow my field to three men.

Lately many of the men I have talked to on the site are very very aggressive. One gentleman asked me if I would be interested in coming over and watching the premier episode of Dexter. I jokingly replied "I don't think going to a strange man's house all by myself is a smart idea." In which he replied that he was just offering and that I should have a good night. I saw this abrupt ending to what had been a pleasant conversation a bit odd. I asked him if he was upset and he retorted "I'm not upset I just don't care lol." This also struck me as him putting up a wall. I snapped right there and then and told him that it was silly he was getting so offended. As a woman I need to be cautious and only meet men over the internet at public places. He may be a nice guy, but without meeting him how am I supposed to know that. Then things got heated when he turned it on me saying that he was cool meeting in public, but after my sudden outburst there was something clearly wrong with me. Great so now am I the one who is taking everything in offense? Am I truly a man hater and unwilling to let any man break down my wall?

Is it me or them... I guess this is the more significant question I need to answer before embarking on any more dates. However it seems I have a busy week full of men, so I better figure it out fast.

Yeehaw!

well, my apologies readers. I will be out of town for the weekend visiting my family. Im  taking a wild guess and saying that there wont be too much dating action with mom and dad around.  But then again you never know.

A little update before I depart...
The white knight is strangely affectionate as of lately. Maybe he feels me growing away from him and wishes to keep me close? Or maybe this is his version of friendship. If I am so over him why do I even care what it is?

Also mr. love doctor or whatever he was came on way too strong. He even had the balls to tell me what to wear on our date and when I asked if we could just grab coffee instead flipped out and acted like a little child. He doesnt want to be on my blog, but he is giving me so much material how can I not include him? Dear mr. pharmacist love doctor, you may be cute but you are way too intense for  my tastes. Tune it down a notch and then maybe I will reconsider.

Where is the fine line?

Alright I am all for open mindedness, but maybe I am not this open.

Recently I was contacted on the dating website by a straight twenty-three year old male who is into (Drum roll please)........Cross Dressing. Is it me or does a straight male who likes to go around in lipstick and heels sound strange? My only question is why? When is there this line that forms between what qualifies you as gay, straight, or bi? Do we need lines or qualifiers at all?

Take for instance a new guy I met through a friend who is a straight gay porn actor, aka gay for pay. Now I understand that the gay porn industry is much more lucrative than the straight porn industry, but the whole act of having sex with another male while being completely and entirely straight is an oxymoron.

I guess to understand this concept I must first analyze myself a bit. I would not qualify myself as a lesbian, bi, and or entirely straight. I find women very attractive and wouldn't mind someday experiencing a little bit of something with another woman. I enjoy making out with females and unlike some of my other female counter parts it is not for the attention of males. However I do not feel I could be entirely with a woman. I like men. So where does that group me? Can I really judge my boyfriend if he enjoys making out with men when I partake in the same activities with my girl friends? Where is the line that I draw in which I say you're gay, you're straight, and you're bisexual?

In a world full of so many categories, definitions, and boxes that we all allocate to one another, are we limiting ourselves to "free play"?  (Thanks Derrida) The ability to think out of our social structures and realize that we are too complicated to fit into the confines in which we have set in place.

Dear Members of the Male Gender

I have a bone to pick with certain members of the male gender. No this is not a feminist rant, but rather a plea to the males in my life who somehow feel the need to express their power over me. (Okay that does sound a bit feminist.)

1. When I am having sex with someone and or giving/receiving sexual pleasures DO NOT act all high and mighty as though you did me a favor. Sex is a mutual and consensual act (at least in most cases) and it is not my duty to either A. Satisfy your needs or B. Repay you for "giving" me the "orgasm of my life", which by the way it was not so please get over yourself.  Let's just simply leave it as "it was good for me and it was good for you". We both got what we wanted and we can both pat ourselves on the back for a job well done.

2. This recently just happened as early as last night, but I disclosed to a potential beau that I am a writer and that I manage my own relationship/sex blog. In which he retorted that he better not wind up on the blog. Too bad, you already did. If you want to get to know me and be in my life you are going to be subject to my writings. I am however very gracious in not naming names and keeping my identity secret to the general public. I'm not going to abuse my powers, but I certainly will not censor myself for anyone.

3. In relation to this blog, men somehow come to think that because I run my own relationship SEX blog that obviously that means that I am just parading my body out there to gain material for this site. The answer is NO. This is not a blog in which my aim is to screw as many men out there as I can in hopes of creating a public documentation of my sexual exploits. I explained to one gentleman that it is more or less about being single and in the dating jungle that is Minneapolis, in which he responded "Oh well I'm looking for a relationship, so does this mean that you want to be single?" NO! This does not mean that at all. In fact it has no underlying message about my wants and desires. I am a happy single woman and I enjoy meeting new people, but I AM NOT a relationship hater or a scorned woman by any means! So in short...no I am not a harlot and no I am not a woman resigned to being single. I am just a writer.

4. Do not suppose that I aim to please you. Though every guy or girl would probably love someone to come home to. I am not about to go out of my way to make you like me. If we go on a date and it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. It is that simple. I will not conform to your wishes and or hide who I really am to make myself more appealing to you. This is not some feminist movement in which I stick it to the man by not shaving my legs, but rather me being honest with you by not saying I love to work out when I truly abhor it.

Things you should know:
1. I am awkward and no I will not apologize for it.
2. I hate hipsters and I am not a huge fan of listening to hippy music and going to first ave.
3. I don't work out for fun. It's not fun. I would rather lay in bed and read a good book.
4. I hate eating healthy. Luckily I have been blessed with a high metabolism.
5. I love sweatpants and flats. I will not wear some sexy yoga pant and or high heels to make you like me more.
6. I hate romantic comedies. Please do not take me to one.
7. I do not like experimental theater. And no watching it does not make you more intelligent, it just makes you look like a snob.
8. I love listening to Pop music such as Ke$ha and old school Britney. So sue me.
9. I hate people that use big words in order to sound more intelligent. Please speak common English that the masses can understand. This also makes you look like a snob.
10. I hate the jersey shore show. They literally make me ashamed to be human.

One note to men out there please don't try to impress me with your use of big words, knowledge of indie bands, or the number of times you work out each week. (unless it really is what makes you, you) All it does is send an aroma of desperation to be cool and liked my way. I am in no mood to deal with your neediness.

Harmless Flirtation

Hello everyone!
The weekend has come and gone so fast and yet I have achieved nothing. With so much homework  and writing to do, I still find the time to fit men into my life.. how is that? I spent Saturday night laying in bed with The White Knight. For some reason things seem so easy with him all of a sudden. Maybe it's the fact that its comfortable? Maybe I am finally taking control of my own life and am now much less dependent on him for my happiness? Whatever it is, it appears that he satisfies my need and I his. In fact he seems to be the one that is much more attached and boyfriendly than me. But the hard part is determining whether this is fact or fiction. I guess my safest bet is to keep my guard up. Until he says those words, 3 words and 8 letters, I will go on believing that it is just too old friends helping one another out and making life just a tad bit more comfortable.

As for my harmless flirtation it seems I have a bunch of random men on my hand. One man that I am looking forward to getting to know is Mr. Pharmacist... oh maybe I should call him doctor? love drug? hmm until I meet him nothing can be decided upon for certain. However turns out he goes to the University and knows a friend of mine. He says that he saw my photo on her facebook and had to take the chance to get to know me. Sweet or stalker? (Thanks KDWB you may be getting a call from me depending upon how this situation goes).  As for now it is strictly over text so harmless flirtation is what is keeping me entertained on a lonely Sunday night.

Until Next Time,
Just Another Girl

Booze and Strippers, what more could a girl ask for?

Well I think my biggest accomplishment of the night was that I didn't make it into the "Drunk Mess" album on http://www.daveryanshow.com/main.html, however I did make a few interesting photos in some of the other albums ;)

The night was a smashing success. I had a cocktail or five and got to meet the entire morning show! I have been listening to them since I was just a kid. I remember my mom coming home one day after school and telling me that she ran into Dave Ryan at a bagel shop and she had won me a pair of KDWB boxers. I wore those boxers almost every night to sleep until they eventually fell apart. So up until last week that was the only thing I had ever "won". Booty Cruise of course was a much more mature prize. One I really wouldn't want to share with dear old mom, though I was surprised at some of the mom-daughter pairs that were on the boat. No offense but stuffing dollar bills into strippers thongs with my mom isn't my ideal night out. Maybe I'm a bit too old school, but sex isn't something me and my mom talk about, but rather a subject we avoid like the plague. Anyway I am sidetracking, back to the festivities.

I decided to take Madison (Tiger Lilly couldn't get off of work) and I felt that this was a smart decision being that she is a connoisseur in the male gender. So off we went to still water to hop on board the booty cruise express. The 1st floor was packed with an older generation of women, obviously waiting for their chance to have at the white Afro psychic, Gary Spivey. This level made me feel a bit over dressed as I passed by the women all bundled up in their jeans and hooded sweatshirts. Madison and I flounced around in our tight cocktail dresses a bit confused as to what we had signed ourselves up for. As we made our way to the bar for some much needed liquid courage we began to hear the boom of music coming from the upper decks. With our drinks in hand we made our way to the unknown. Here on the second floor was a whole other story. The twenty somethings of the boat had all flocked to this floor in which there was a DJ, a fantasy gifts booth full of fabulous sex toys, and a stage for the soon to come Men of Excalibur. I felt right at home as I passed by other girls who were dressed to their sexiest despite the frigid weather. We ventured on even further until we reached the third deck. The deck was almost empty due to the cold, but the view was breathtaking. The St. Croix  river was stunning in the oncoming twilight. We did take note that this was the bar to come to so that we could avoid the lines of downstairs. As we grabbed another drink I noticed the morning show, cigars in hand, talking on the side of the boat. It's definitely a strange experience putting faces to the voices you listen to during the groggy morning hours.

Madison wasn't as acquainted with the whole tradition of booty cruise since she grew up in Wisconsin (I try not to hold it against her Haha) She was gracious enough however to make this night about me. Allowing me to take pictures with all of the cast and even sit in on Gary Spivey. Meeting Dave Ryan was a treat. Even though tipsiness was beginning to set in he really took the time to talk and listen to me. And I'm pretty sure I told Lena a dead baby joke..yikes...maybe not my finest moment, but what the hell. After meeting everyone it was time to dance. If you know anything about me, I don't do anything half heatedly. I shook my booty with a stripper, made out with the DJ intern, and blew a ton of money. It was definitely worth it.

Booty Cruise!!

So your's truly just won tickets to Booty Cruise with Dave Ryan and the morning show! I smell a good blog coming your way. If you aren't familiar with Booty Cruise, it is a boat ride in stillwater held by KDWB during the summer. The boat includes food, booze, psychic Gary Spivey, and all the male strippers you could ever want! Ill be sure to take lots of pictures and maybe put a few up for your viewing pleasure.


In other news the Knight is back, but I think that it is only temporary. The smell of fall has triggered some nostalgic longings and as hard as I push them out of my head, I can't escape that need for the fall comforts. The feeling of family, food, and friends is what fall means to me. I am so home sick and The White Knight was my family once upon a time. I remember lazy September Sundays where we would spend all day grilling out with his parents and watching the games. But now this fall everything has changed. Relationships are broken and his parents are divorced. I need something to hold on to. Something that is constant and safe. But alas, I think that is an impossible fantasy. Life is constantly moving and changing and instead of clinging on and dragging my feet I better start running to catch up.

Change isn't bad, just uncomfortable.