Am I Better Off Alone?

So if you have been reading my blogs, I'm sure you can tell that I have been under a lot of stress lately. Free time seems to be a thing of the past and lately the dates that I have made time for seem more like work and research than anything else. Maybe this is the consequence of making dating you're job.

With all of the unsuccessful dates and almost dates, I am beginning to wonder if I am better off alone. Dating shouldn't be this hard. Finding a connection both physically and mentally shouldn't be the end goal to my life right? But then again isn't love what we are destined for? However if this theory of the meaning of life is right, how do we account for the many life long bachelors? Am I putting too much emphasis on finding the right man? Am I too picky? Do I think I'm ready, but as long as I keep running back for comfort from the White Knight after every wrong turn on the dating path, I can never truly open up my heart? Most pressing of all these questions is WHAT IS THE POINT?

I have a confession to make that I have been trying to deny for some time now. My time here in Minneapolis is short lived. Financially, once school ends for me and the government and my parents cut me off, I have no other choice than to leave the city. I feel like any relationship that I could get into here has an expiration date. How can I fall for a terminal love? I'm not looking to get hurt or hurt someone else, and at the same time I am not looking for casual sex. I want more, but my time is running out.

About 3 months left and it breaks my heart. I don't want to leave. I am petrified. It's this strange in between of the reality of growing up. Saying good bye to past loves and friends. Good bye to child hood memories and my crazy college years.  It is the kiss of death and the dead bolt to anything I could or can have with the white knight. Maybe it's time I started to push away. Instead of opening my heart to others, I think it could be time to start closing doors and accepting that this is a new slate where my past need not follow. Pull back little by little the feelings of attachment to this city, so that I can finally be ready to break free.