"99 Problems"

Well, how should I begin? Transitional periods in your life are a bitch. You clumsily fumble your way through it. Transition is the state in which I am at in my life right now, and of the billion things that are changing in my life none of my problems deal with men and dating. (That's a first). You may wonder if I have given up on the blog entirely. The answer is no. However for a while I had decided to give up on everything. I have never felt so lost when I had no desire to even try at life. 

Everyone says that I should be happy and excited for my move down south to Texas. Believe me, a part of me is ecstatic to begin a new chapter to my life. Sadly life changing decisions and people are not as simple as being happy. I am filled with fear, anxiety, and sadness. Minnesota has been my home for my entire life. I have an amazing group of friends here and a life and reputation that I have worked my ass off to achieve. For a few weeks I sat in my apartment alone. I believe it was my attempt at slowly dissociating myself to those I love. Part of me wants to push my friends away in hope of making leaving them easier. I stopped dating men because I began to wonder what the point of it was. Frankly I was hoping no one would give me a reason to stay. That window of opportunity had closed where I was hopping for Mr. Right to yell "Don't get on the plane".  Well technically in my case it would be "Don't get in that moving truck". 

After a few weeks of hiding out indoors and not answering my phone, I came to wake up to the sad realization that I couldn't leave Minneapolis like this. Tiger Lily and Mary Jane pulled me out of my state of depression as well as a surprising heroic appearance by the White Knight. 

The White Knight reminded me how special I truly was to him. Even though we both know now that our break up was the right decision, we will always be special to one another. As heartbreaking as it is to acknowledge that something isn't working out, it opens our eyes to other possibilities. I am not pretending that I am ready to go out a date again, but someday I'll find someone that fits just perfectly. Till then I am not worrying about love. As Jay-Z would say "I've got 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one." 

I have so much to explore and learn that I have made the decision to really go out and see the world for myself. This is the time for self-reflection and I plan on bringing my readers with me. We will start with Texas and then London, and then the world.  Alone doesn't have to be lonely.