I Just Want to Have My Cake and Eat It Too

Hola Amigos,

Tiger Lily, here to fill you in on the goings-on of the twin cities now that my dear friend has left us.  First of all, there is Mary-Jane who is going through a break-up, so I anticipate a lot of ice cream and wine in our near futures.  Next, another close friend of mine is in town this weekend and it has been great catching up with her!!

On the romance side, my life has recently become one huge clusterfuck of confusion.  Since my last blog post, the Friend and I have continued our “courtship”.  We talk everyday after we are done with work, and most days we will hang out, even if the other has plans, we will hang out afterward.  Now, even though we started having sex, we only have sex 2 or 3 times a week, the rest of the time it is like I am just with a good friend.. (ha).  Now the last week has been interesting, with Valentines Day and all.  The night before Valentines Day we were talking about flowers, and I offhandedly mentioned I had never gotten roses from anyone.  So the next night he comes to my house, looking very exasperated.  He told me he looked for 2 hours for flowers for me, but could not find any.. it’s the thought that counts? 

We were supposed to go out that night, but first one of my oldest friends, the Hubby who I have a “future marriage pact” (aka if we are 40 and single, we are getting hitched) with was having a birthday party.  I asked if it was alright to stop by with the Friend, as a friend (gosh this is confusing) and Hubby said no.  He then proceeded to not answer my calls or texts for two hours! When he finally texted me back, he was incredibly angry and rude.  After 2 hours of texting back and forth, the Friend texted the Hubby and told him to stop being rude to me.  Twenty minutes later (at about 1am) the Friend left to go home.  I stopped texting Hubby, and tried to sleep.  At 4:00am the Friend texts me to tell me he JUST got of the phone with the Hubby, who had been arguing with him.  The Friend stuck up for me and defended me when I was upset, which was a really nice thing for him to do.

SO today I was thinking about Miami (the city). I texted Mr. Miami to confirm my arrangements to stay with him for a couple days while I am there.  After texting him I couldn’t stop thinking about how excited I was to see him… and bump uglies again.  I talked to Just Another Girl, who kindly pointed out that I am pretty much in a relationship.  The Friend and I see each other almost every night, talk every day, kiss each other goodbye, and he even called me to chat while I was in California last weekend.  People have referred to him as my boyfriend…. and last time I didn’t correct them.  She gave me good advice, “follow your stronger feeling”.  Now, we would all think my stronger feeling is what I have for the Friend… but blogosphere, after she said that, all I could think about was Mr. Miami and how much I was looking forward to seeing him and spending time with him.  I realized that I am not willing to give that up to exclusively date the Friend.  So what does that mean?  I am going to take her advice, and follow my stronger feeling.  It is not because I think that Mr. Miami and I could be together, it’s the fact that I am not willing to give up another man to be with the Friend.  So now my question is, how do I have an “I don’t want to be in a relationship” talk but keep all the perks.

I guess the saying really is true “You Can’t Have Your Cake and Eat It Too”.  How can I explain that I like the companionship of seeing the Friend everyday, along with the sex, but not want a relationship?  I was really hoping I could put off this conversation but it is obvious that no one can tame (the single) Tiger Lily.

Hasta Lavista bloggers,

Tiger Lily